


Where the Horizon Breaks

by theJuniorRoyals



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Character Death, M/M, Tragedy, yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 06:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8434918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theJuniorRoyals/pseuds/theJuniorRoyals
Summary: Mingyu's hemorrhage left a hole in his brain, but Wonwoo left a hole in his heart.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay hello again, this time its chaptered! very quickly so i don't rant, as i said over on aff (which is more detailed) there are some minor errors (maybe) like 'is' should be 'it' and things with one word changed is hard to notice and i hope it can be overlooked. this was all written over the span of one month, so it is all done, and there will be no bonus chapters, as of right now. so yeah that's it okay go read i love yall

Mingyu has always been a fairly healthy boy, he participated in school sports, he stayed hydrated, and he always ate his veggies. As expected, once he started college miles away from his home, and parents, that changed.

He stayed fit (the need for a good physique motivated him to stay in shape) and yes, he still took in a healthy amount of water, sure, but once he was away from the prying eyes of family, he started to smoke. “Nah, dude, it can’t kill, that’s just a myth.” his friend had proclaimed. He said fuck it, because I mean, what could go wrong?

His roommate had no problem with it, in fact took part in the activities, and he knew that Mingyu was healthy and he did his best to stay fit most of the time. He was aware that Mingyu found it very important to not let this unhealthy lifestyle get to his head too much. He found it strange that Mingyu smoked at least 2 cigs every day and still managed to look young and youthful- after all, it had only been four months since he first trapped that kill machine in between his lips- though he had always been sort of dense, that roommate of his.

So the other boy was a little bit shocked when Mingyu passed out one day while making a sandwich. Just fell. Right there in the kitchen and smashed his head on the counter. 

Obviously lacking lots of medical training the boy had freaked out and not known what to do at first, but decided to call over the neighbors and ask for help or advice- or to just get his unconscious roommates body out of the kitchen.

Turned out that just a trip down to the campus nurse was not enough to get Mingyu to wake from his temporary coma, and the ambulance was called to take Mingyu’s body away.

This of course, is just the day at a glance, because if we were to go into full detail, it would be Mingyu’s roommate pacing nervously in the living room for a solid 20 minutes. After they got Mingyu awake though is where the plot no longer becomes some anxious college student debating what to do about his unconscious friend. Let’s jump right in.

Mingyu sat up in a daze, his head pounding and senses feeling overstimulated by everything going on around him. His family was there- great, just when he thought he was home free- and they were chatting loudly with a man in white. Wait, where the hell was he? He looked around him and took in the large window to his left, the window of a corridor to his right, and uneasily followed the tubes from machines down to his arms where they pierced the skin. He breathed heavily and fidgeted in his bed, which was oddly comfortable, he noted. His family noticed he was awake.

“Oh, Mingyu! How do you feel? Are you okay? Does it hurt? Can you remember me? Can you hear me?”  
“Mingyu, Mingyu! How did this happen? What have you been doing? Do you remember anything?”

“Mingyu, what the hell? How did that feel? Can you hear funky?”

Everyone spoke at once and it just intensified his headache. He shut his eyes and brought his hands to the top of his head, massaging his skull as if it would tone down the noise around him. He groaned in pain and just wished that all three of them would be quiet for just one minute.

“Please… please be quiet…” Mingyu barely got out. The volume was lowered instantly. Mingyu held his head in pain, his head was throbbing and it felt severe. He can’t remember why he was in a hospital.

He felt cold fingers pry his wrists from his skull and place them back by his sides. “Mingyu, don’t touch your head that hard, it will make the pain worse.” Mingyu tried to look up at the man speaking, which had been the same one talking to his parents and sister. He must have had a questioned look on his face, because what the doctor said next answered all of his questions.

“You had an aneurysm in your brain, Mingyu. While you were unconscious, doctors searched your brain with a scan to try and find it, and it had ruptured by the time you got here. We could not get you in for a surgery yet, but within the next hour or two you will be in, and they will need to remove the area. I don’t know what to say, Mingyu. Your friend took an awful long time to get you here-” Yeah, that sounds like Seungcheol, Mingyu thought, “-and your activities lately have increased your risk of rupture immensely. You could be dead right now, is all I can say.” With that being his last words, he left the room and let Mingyu deal with his main source of aggravation.

Mingyu thrashed when he felt a hand roughly come in contact with his chest. His mother was trying to get his attention. “Kim Mingyu!” She harshly whispered. “What in the Lord’s name is wrong with you? You go away for college for four months, you start smoking-” Mingyu flinches at that word. “And that caused you to have a ruptured aneurysm. Do you know how angry I am right now?”

His father chimed in. “What made you think it was the right decision to throw your healthy lifestyle down the drain? We are extremely disappointed in you, Mingyu. We trusted you to do the right thing.”

Ah, there it was. Mingyu had never wanted to disappoint his parents. He knew that holding their trust was an important factor, the very factor that convinced them to let him go out of city for college, and live with a roommate he didn’t know until the first day. He was sure now that he was not allowed anywhere near that dorm, or his roommate for that matter. Yeah, he felt sad that he had let his parents down, but he felt angrier that they still wanted to control him. He’s nineteen, they can’t possibly think that they still have a say in what he puts into his body and what he doesn’t. He kept his mouth shut though. His throat was dry.

“Mingyu, do you even know how you got here?” He shook his head. His sister was the one that asked the question, and she spoke again. “You passed out in your dorm. Your friend brought you here because he couldn’t get you to wake up. You’ve been out for at least three hours.”

Three hours? No way, there’s no way he could have survived a ruptured aneurysm for three goddamn hours. Mingyu laid back down on the pillow. All he wanted right now was peace, quiet, and relaxation. Death, maybe he just wants death, too. But he knows his parents wouldn’t let that happen on their watch.

His sister, Minhee, stepped out of the room. He tried to ignore the pungent gazes he could feel on him. No use.

“Where did we go wrong Mingyu?” His mother sounded pained. “Was it the wrong college? Did we make the wrong decision in letting you go out on your own thinking you could handle it?” Now she just sounded mad again. He felt another throb in his skull.

“Why didn’t you follow in Minhee’s steps? Never made one mistake in her life, and we thought you knew what you were going to go after. But all you went after were bad decisions and an awful roommate who probably sells drugs on the down time.” Mingyu breathed in deeply. He did not want to hear this.

“My roommate is not a thug.” His voice was hoarse, he continued on. “He does not sell drugs and he is not an awful roommate, nor an awful friend. He was not the one who made me turn to smoking. He got me here and he saved my life, kinda, so it would be nice if I could stop hearing all this nonsense about my friend. Also,” Mingyu sat up, trying to ignore the rapid thuds in his cranium. “I feel like you guys don’t believe in me. Wanting me to be like my sister. I’m sorry I cannot be like her. I’m sorry that all your faith went into your firstborn and you lost all hope after a boy popped out next.” He took a deep breath in, not wanting to raise his voice. “I am old enough to make decisions for myself now, if you haven’t noticed, nineteen is when you let Minhee have a car, nineteen is when you let Minhee move out without hesitation, nineteen is when you let Minhee be herself and go off doing her own thing. College was something I wanted a positive experience from. Not this.”

“This,” His father motioned, “Is your consequence for turning to smoking, no matter who did it. This is unavoidable, and now we are here because you could not help yourself and do the right thing.”

His mother had an exasperated expression. “How can you think that it was so easy to let Minhee off? It took just as much convincing to let her go as it did you, and just because she’s the oldest daughter doesn’t mean a thing in this so called game of who gets to go first”

Mingyu shook his head, he felt like that motion caused his brain to turn to mush. “That’s not my point. My point is, I want a say in what I do. I don’t want my decisions to be made by my parents anymore. After college I want to live on my own, and in the dorm, that gave me a taste of it. I want to not be so monitored. Is that hard?”

He got no reply, because the doctor rushed in, two nurses with surgical masks on their face following quickly behind. “We have an open surgery. Mingyu, we will take you in now.”

Mingyu breathed in deeply. He could do this.

Yes, Mingyu was afraid. No, he would not admit that. He knew that the surgeons would take care of him and fix him, and hopefully not kill him, but whatever the situation comes to, so be it.

On the roll to the operations room, he thought about Seungcheol. Did he speak to his parents? Did he get all the heat for doing this to him? If he did, he would be pissed. Seungcheol was a good kid, he didn’t deserve to have so much blame on his shoulders, especially if he died in this operation (which was a possible outcome, Mingyu knew). Mingyu doesn’t even remember the last thing he said to Seungcheol. He blames the world around him for consuming him into this horrible lifestyle, and curses anything that might have helped him get here on this hospital bed, being wheeled down the hall into a room where his head would probably be cut open.

Inside the room, there was machines on almost all the walls, each next one looking scarier than the last. Nothing was in the center of the room but a light hanging above the center, its bright rays shining down onto the floor, which was surrounded by a least 5 surgeons. He took a deep breath in, something he did when he tried not to panic, but alas, it didn’t seem to work this time. The doctor came over to the side of the table, also wearing a surgical mask now, and he held a white cloth in his hand, and looked like he was going to start speaking. Mingyu figured it was probably in his best interest to listen to him.

“Don’t panic, okay? You’ll be out like a light and you won’t feel a thing while you’re under.”

“Under?” Mingyu croaked. He was a little afraid of being drugged to sleep, if drugged was the right word here. He didn’t want to be in a drug induced sleep, he never imagined it being a thing he would experience, and his heart rate was bouncing now at the thought of it.

“I’m putting you under with an anesthesia. It will knock you out and you will be awake once the surgery is complete.” Mingyu nodded slowly. He tried his hardest to show he wasn’t afraid, but he was also not an idiot, as these doctors probably knew he was afraid and could see it on his face.

“I am going to place this on your nose and mouth, and you will breathe in like you are just breathing in air normally. Okay?” Mingyu didn’t so anything this time, he just waited to be covered and sleeping. “I’m going to count down backwards from 10. You will fall asleep in no time.”

Mingyu took one deep steady breath before the anesthetic was placed on has nose. He breathed in normally like he said.

“10.” The doctor said. This wasn’t bad. Maybe he wouldn’t notice it, maybe it’s like falling asleep regularly, maybe you don’t’ know you’re falling asleep.

“9.” He could do this. Mingyu tried everything in him not to panic, he balled his hands into tight fists as if it somehow reduced the anxiety coursing in his veins at this very moment.

“8.” Wait, what was that? He didn’t quite catch that one. It sounded very distorted, like those remixes of some songs that make the singers voice sound like their underwater; Mingyu tried harder to listen this time.

“7.” Okay, that the fuck? The voice was deep and distorted, and now it sounded like they were making fun of him for thinking that this actually works, and thinking that he would buy it. But it was really happing.

“6.” Same deep voice, a different dark blur around the edges. Mingyu knew he was falling asleep now. That scared him. He didn’t like the ordeal that he knew he was falling asleep and could not do anything. But he continued to try and listen, his limb becoming heavy and his eyelids feeling like 100 pound weights. He closed them, maybe it would make it better. He didn’t hear 5.  
\--  
When Mingyu woke up, he felt a numb ache running up and down the length of his body, and he was placed in a room with soft blue lights, or maybe it was just the natural light and the color of the walls. Now that he was quite acquainted with his surroundings, he thought in his best interest that moving or sitting upright was not something he wanted to do. He laid back down and let the ache consume him, it was bearable.

Mingyu remembers going under for surgery. He remembers what it was like to go under, he remembers feeling like his ears were blocked and feeling like he was drowning. The thoughts made him shudder, he took his mind away from that to distract himself.

Mingyu felt a chill go down his spine, come all the way up his neck, and run down his arms to his wrists to his fingertips. He moved his fingers in a stretching manor, as if it was his fingers that had been stiff all day. So badly did he want to sit up and twist his back and crack the unmoved joints in his spine, stretch his limbs and go outside and do something. He also noticed that after four months of adapting to a cig a day, he felt like he could use one right now. 

He felt his head throb, and he reached up to touch it. He pulled back in shock when he touched bare skin on his scalp, that definitely should have had hair. Great, he thought, now I have a bald spot. How long will this torture last? 

He placed his fingers back delicately once more to graze the skin and flinched yet again when he noticed he could not feel his fingers touch his head. He had never been numb before, so this was a whole new experience to him. He couldn’t touch his own head, well, yes he could touch it, but he couldn’t feel it. He ran his fingers aimlessly around until he hit a large gash, swollen and he felt some sort of medical string inside. Stitches, most likely. He ran it down, it only lasted an inch and a half at most. Mingyu brought his fingers back down to his side, and tried to calm his pacing heartbeat when a doctor walked in.

“Mingyu, you’re awake.” Mingyu simply nodded, now feeling apt for using his voice. “I’ll explain to you exactly what’s going on, because I assume you would like to know.” Mingyu repeated his action. The doctor pushed his glasses up his nose to briefly read his clipboard before returning to look at the boy. “You passed out due to an aneurysm that ruptured suddenly. Miraculously, you made it here alive and stayed alive for close to three hours, not quite though,” He spoke slowly. “And we rushed you in to a surgery to remove all of the drainage. This caused you to now have a hemorrhage, which is what happens when an aneurysm ruptures.

“We did successfully complete the operation to remove all negative toxins and things in your brain that don’t belong. You will need to stay in the hospital for a while, the nurses and doctors alike want to make sure that nothing else is being affected by this, with you being so young and such. Other than this, there is not much we can do for you, if you show signs of improvement than that’s even better. If it gets worse or doesn’t improve at all, then we need to do something.” Mingyu just stared. He tried to wrap his head around it. “Don’t stress out, it will make your head hurt, and that’s kind of what got you here.” With one last curt nod, he left the room. Mingyu laid back down.

Mainly, he was focused on one of two things. One: he was here for an unannounced amount of time. He’d be missing school, sports, chances to hook up with different people, and so on and so forth. Two: he also knows that they do not know what his condition will be in a week’s time. Will he be better? Will he be worse? It just slightly freaks him out that they have no idea if he will die from this or not. With that in mind, he laid back down and waited for the oncoming disaster.

Mingyu’s mind wandered, and he started to recall past achievements in his life, seeing as being here was a new all-time low for him. When he scored the winning goal for their school’s soccer team, the championships. His proudest moment, if he’s being honest.

When he was nominated and won Prom King, a self-entitled thing that made him feel a lot cockier than it really should have. God, did he look good that night. I swear by it, his words.

When he was set up with the hottest girl in school, Casey Lee. What a moment, he has never seen a pair of boobs better than those, and he stands by that word as well. Unfortunately for him, the so called blind date and hook up session didn’t last long, as she was notorious for ‘guy hopping’ and left Mingyu available and lonely once again. At least he always had his left hand.

And now he was here, laying in a hospital bed with a piece of his hair shaved off because he passed out, because he had an aneurysm that ruptured, and got worse because he’s a smoker now, and is waiting for death to slowly consume him. What a life.


	2. 2

Mingyu woke being startled for a moment, forgetting that he temporarily belonged in the hospital. He took in this moment (embracing the fact that he was not in any state of pain at the moment) and he looked around the room he was in. 

It was a typical hospital room. He laid by the windows that he could view the corridor from, seeing nurses and patients walk their way up and down the monotonous colored hallway. He stared for a moment at the faint reflection of the room he could see in the hallway. He could see himself, lying there, staring at the glass. He wondered how long he would be cooped up here.

Turning his head to face the ceiling he saw fluorescent lights, turned off, probably because he had just woken but also because beautiful early sunlight was pouring in through the window. He slowly made his way with his eyes down the wall, eyeing the TV for a moment, pondering, then deciding not to turn it on. There was a door that led to the bathroom to the left and chairs for visitor seating to the right of the TV. The walls were a beige color, mirroring the hallway, Mingyu knew he would get tired of that color really soon. 

The trail from the ceiling to the wall eventually led to himself. He was half covered in the blankets on the bed. It was a blue color, the kind of blue you would see at a nursing home, or maybe even a baby shower for a male. A little lighter than that of the baby blue, but he didn’t seem to get along with that shade either. He took a deep breath in and looked at his arms. Either one had an IV and he didn’t have the stomach to follow it up to see the bag of liquid. He dropped his eyes. They made their way to the left side of the room.

The first thing he noticed was the pale blue of the sky coming in from the windows. The beautiful sunlight poured in and made the room seem a little bit earthlier, a little more alive. He liked the way the sun shone in, he liked the subtleness of it, he liked how it was plenty of light, so that the lights of the room did not need to be turned on.

The second thing he noticed was a curtain. The curtain was the same blue as the bed, and it was closed shut, so that another patient (himself, in this case) could not see inside at who was laying there. He got nervous, knowing now that there was someone else in this room with him. He muted his breathing so he could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor, hoping for some signs of life. All he heard was wheels of mobile chairs and chit chat of people roaming outside the corridor, the occasional honk of a car horn and roaring of diesel engines, but no breathing. He blinked a couple times before looking away, eventually he would see who was behind the curtain. Right now, he was just wondering what to do with his time. 

He was sure he could not just go around in the halls with no advisory, after all he was still hooked to the IV drip and he did not know if he was capable to walk. He sighed, he waited for someone to come along and collect him, he wanted to stretch out- God, how many times has he said to himself he wants to stretch out- and get moving. Obviously, he was in no such state. 

He wondered what his roommate was doing right now. Most likely trying to find a new roommate to pay rent, or to keep him company. It’s a shame he couldn’t keep in touch with him, because of his ‘new lifestyle’, words of his parents, his phone privileges have been revoked. Seungcheol probably texted him, called even, and Mingyu feels guilty that he’s unable to even send a simply ‘Hi’ back. He worries about his current state, Seungcheol was too nice of a kid to have to be put through this. Mingyu hopes he comes by to visit soon.

On his track of thoughts, running about somewhere around his school friends and his classes, he hears a sigh, and his heart stops for a moment. A sign of life, so it really is someone. What a stupid thought, of course it’s someone! He turns his head slowly (not wanting to seem creepy and also not wanting to hurt himself), he watched the curtain. He saw the silhouette of someone behind the curtain shift on the bed, he saw movement of their feet and body, shifting to get comfortable again. He hoped that this person would say something, move back the curtain, be alive. But no such luck.

Mingyu was startled when the door opened, a nurse walked in, another nurse following her. The first nurse came over to Mingyu and helped him sit upright, he turned his head again to watch the second nurse pull the curtain back, only to show the lower half of the person in the bed.

“Mingyu,” Her voice made his head turn back around to face her, she had a look like she knew he wasn’t supposed to look over in that direction. “Let’s stretch.” 

Mingyu felt so much relief come pouring over him like he was standing under a tidal wave. Stretching sounded amazing right now, it almost took his mind completely off the anomaly in the bed. She stretched her arm outwards in a way that Mingyu was obliged to follow, she held his arm up and tugged on it slightly, and he felt brand new. She repeated to the other arm, then some for the back, and standing she did some with the legs.

Mingyu stood straight, and slowly rolled his head like he was instructed. The nurse went to the side to read something off the monitor, and Mingyu took that opportunity to peer back at the shadow of the nurse doing the same aerobics with the person behind the cloth. He turned back.

This nurse removed the drips from his arms and placed one hand on his waist to steady him as they walked. Mingyu thought this was ridiculous, he could walk just fine, he stood fine, that’s for sure.   
He second guessed himself after the first step, his legs were weak and not used to walking. The slippers he had on were comfortable though, so that was a plus. They walked together by the end of the bed, Mingyu loosing balance twice, but the nurse seemed to have a grip on him (despite being at least a good 6 inches smaller).

“I am going to take you down to a room with other patients so you can socialize and not be so cooped up in here. Is that okay?” Mingyu nodded. He was literally craving for any sort of human interaction; it’s been far too long for his liking. “Would you like a hat to cover your hair?” Oh, yeah; Mingyu forgot he had a bald spot on the right side of his head. He reached his hand back to glide his fingers over the bare skin, and he nodded. She gently set him down at the foot of the bed and went to retrieve a beanie looking thing when he came back. It fit on the back of his head nicely, nothing hanging down like a typical beanie would. The color was a mint green, Mingyu figured he could bare that.

The nurse placed it on carefully and adjusted his hair. She gave a polite smile and a curt nod and picked him back up, and they headed to the room flitting with other life.

They passed by the windows of his own room, and watched intently as the nurse working with the other patient moved backwards, outside the curtain, and pulled it back. He only saw a dark fringe before he was met with the wall.

The walk was tedious, and he made small talk with the nurse (consisting of ‘how can you stand to carry around patients all day, I’m far too tall for you’ making them both laugh). To say that he was excited was sort of an over statement, but to say that he was not at all anxious was under. Inside the room, there were patients from young children to early 20’s all seeming to have their own stories written on their faces. The nurse set him down on a comfortable chair, and he sunk in to the feeling already. She asked him if he was hungry, and as much as he wished he was, he had not had an appetite since the day before (he did eat something, though).

Someone sat down next to him after the nurse left, a boy who must have been nearly a foot shorter than him but looked older, dusty colored hair and tired eyes. Mingyu raised an eyebrow waiting for him to speak, which he clearly came there for.

“You look fresh out of civilization.” Okay, what a conversation starter. Make it work, Mingyu, make it work.

“A day in the making here.” Average.

He snorted at that, though. “What for? Some sort of head trauma?” He nodded to the cap he was wearing which he had forgotten was on. Mingyu nodded.

“Hemorrhage.” He stated. He hoped that’s what the doctor called it.

A clicking sound was made from his mouth. “So young. You gotta be, what? At least twenty?”  
“Nineteen.” This time, the boy raised his brows. He shook his head and looked away, not in an angry way though. Mingyu scrunched his face for a moment. “You?”

“Twenty. Been here for a few weeks now. Don’t know when I will be blessed with a discharge, but Lord, am I waiting.” Mingyu looked around. If he were here for a few weeks, he would want out, too. Mingyu asked why he was here. The answer was blunt. “Dwarfism.”

Mingyu gave him a shocked and confused look. The boy sighed. “I’m messing with you.” Mingyu silently opened his mouth and straightened his back. “I had a heart failure.”

“At twenty?” Mingyu looked incredulously. 

“Yeah, not the greatest or healthiest lifestyle was chosen for me. These are the consequences I pay.” This conversation took a dark turn, and Mingyu didn’t want to continue down that road. He changed the subject.

“Who are the others here?” Mingyu genuinely wanted to know, he wanted someone to get along with here.

“First of all, I’m Jihoon.” Mingyu realized he did not know his name until now. Jihoon pointed to their right at a boy sitting on the floor against a wall, watching two younger kids get along. “That’s Seokmin. I don’t know his issue only because I never bothered to ask. All I know is he has a younger brother who comes very often and will probably show up in like two hours.”

Mingyu looked at Seokmin. He seemed very lonely, and though it pulled at Mingyu’s heart strings, he preferred to keep to himself for a while. “There’s only like three people around our age here. It’s all younger teens, and children. Which is actually quite sad.”

Jihoon nodded in agreement. “That one over there is Soonyoung. Loud and annoying, too happy for where he is right now, in my opinion.”

Mingyu clicked his tongue this time. “Yikes. You think that might be the reason he is here? Some sort of, I don’t know, mental problem?” He watched as Jihoon shook his head, his fringe swaying with the motion.

“Nah. He’s here because of some sort of bone break in a vital area. Maybe like, a rib or something. I think some pieces of it stuck into his organs, too. That’s why he’s here. He’s just the happy-go-lucky type.”

Mingyu looked around the room, it was not huge, but not small. It doesn’t seem like the type of place he would come every day, but on days if he were really desperate, he would go there. He needed some form of socialization. He watched as most of the people chatted with the others, and the ones who stayed secluded looked sad, like they knew they could have done something to prevent this. Mingyu felt like this room was depressing him, and he felt uncomfortable being in its vicinity.

“We had another guy here, Jeonghan? Was his name, about 6 or 7 days before you came. He didn’t make it, though.” Mingyu looked at Jihoon. He had a sullen look on his face, but seemed as if he was trying to hide it. “We don’t know why, either.”

Mingyu didn’t say anything. He didn’t know this guy but he was sure he was liked by people around here. Mingyu felt anxious, all of a sudden. That won’t be him soon, will it? Jihoon spoke again.

“There was someone else, I don’t even know if he is still alive or not. I know, that’s harsh but it’s true. I’ve only seen him in here once, I’m pretty sure he never wanted to come back. I don’t blame him.”

“What’s his name?” Mingyu asked curiously.

“We don’t know. He was very quiet and reserved, and he was in a wheelchair. He didn’t seem like he wanted to speak to any of us, he kept looking at the children, like they meant something to him, but clearly not.” Mingyu thought. Jihoon has not said any physical features of this person, so Mingyu couldn’t judge for himself. He thought back to the person behind the curtain. Was it him? “He had dark hair. Kind of a length like mine.”

Mingyu’s suspicions were confirmed. He only saw his bangs but it’s all he needed. “You know; I think I got put in a room with him. I didn’t know there was someone behind the curtain but as I was walking by,” He paused for a moment to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things. He knew he wasn’t. He saw Jihoon turn to face him in his peripheral. “All I saw was his dark fringe. I kind of wanted to stay, and meet him, but now I’m not so sure he wants me to.”

Jihoon laughed lightly. “You could always try, but he just has that vibe to him, you know?” 

Mingyu thought about that. He figured if that person was going to be in the same room as him, he might as well make an effort to become friends. He did not want the fact that he might be reserved or quiet to stop him. Mingyu knew that he could make people open up, he was caring and gentle when he needed to be, and it worked 90% of the time. He wanted to know his name, his favorite color, his dreams. Too in depth? Doesn’t matter. This person has Mingyu in a frenzy now. He was determined.

Mingyu spent the rest of his few hours in the room chatting with Jihoon, and eventually Soonyoung came over and chatted with them. Mingyu realized that Soonyoung was an interesting character, and Mingyu could see through his stage he puts up. He can see that he is trying to stay optimistic, and though Mingyu feels bad for him, he knows he will be okay. 

Mingyu figured that there was not much else to do in this place, as happy as it was. He went back to his room eventually (with the help from the same nurse that brought him there) and he was relieved to finally sit down in the peace of his own room. He laid his head back on the pillow, feeling the soft material of the pillow through the hat he was still wearing. He felt so tired, more tired than he thinks he has ever felt in his life. More tired than the time he had a three-hour long practice, more tired than when he had to play five games over one weekend. More tired than listening to his parents. He just figures it’s because he has had a lot of medication in his body, and it’s probably taking a toll on him. Not like he knows anything about medical stuff, he’s just taking a shot in the dark here.

He turned his head to look out the window, but also noticed at the same time that the curtain that had been drawn closed was now open, and vacant of a patient. Mingyu stared at the empty spot for a while. He noticed the way the sheets were indented, indicating a body laid there at one point. He noticed how the machines were disconnected, the tubes and monitors that belonged on them were no longer there, the lights still active on the technology. He stared at the bed. He wished he knew who was there. 

Eventually, his eyes drifted above the empty bed to the sunset shown in the window. The hue was beautiful, he found it kind of ironic how this was one of the most beautiful sunsets he has ever seen and he was sat in a hospital. He deeply sighed. Mingyu watched as the colors slowly changed, the magenta forming into a lilac that merged with blue, oranges dusting the edge of a violet cloud. He closed his eyes, missing how the baby pinks merged with the crimsons and the canary yellows creating a masterpiece that only mother nature could conjure. He drifted to sleep underneath the array of the warmest colors imaginable.  
\--  
The image of the heart monitor showed. He does not understand why it is there but he could see it. He looked at his chest, the sensor was not hooked to his chest, but rather the boy lying on the table in front of him; the boy was himself. Mingyu was watching his own surgery.

He watched as his own head was cut into. He watched them try and drain the leakage from the ruptured aneurysm. Mingyu watched in horror as the doctors and surgeons rushed to clean the toxins, and he watched as one surgeon made a wrong incision. Suddenly it went dark, and he was thrown into a spiral of places, all blurring into one another. It started with his home. His actual home, not his dorm. His parents were in the kitchen, Minhee standing next to them, smiling happily. She turned around and went to her room, and he followed.

He went to his own room, to see if he could see himself again, but was shocked upon finding out that his room was void of his possessions. Almost like he never even existed.

Never even existed. 

Mingyu’s eyes shot open as he was teleported to a scene where it was his high school soccer team, holding the championship trophy, but instead it was his friend, Minghao, it was not him, though he can clearly remember this happening… but it was him.

His body coursed with fear, he was so scared of what he was going to see next. He felt afraid of what his friends and family could possibly be doing without him in their lives, he felt incredible amounts of sadness upon seeing the happiness that swarmed all these people when he is not there. He shut his eyes. He did not want to see the altered present anymore. But he can’t get his way.

Mingyu was jolted into his dorm, and for a split second he felt like he was back at home, like this whole hospital thing was a dream, but it was shattered when he saw Seungcheol pass right by him. A strange boy walked out from around the corner, his hair was long and silver and he went up to Seungcheol, and Mingyu could swear that they shared the same jokes that he and the older used to do. He felt saddened by the thought of Seungcheol replacing him, he felt scared that Seungcheol no longer saw him as a friend, or never knew him at all.

Mingyu felt like he was going to burst if he saw any more of the scene happening in front of his eyes. He struggled as hard as he could, he struggled and fought ad writhed, and then he sat up.

Mingyu had himself propped up on his elbows, he was breathing heavily and he could hear his own heart monitor going faster than normal. He felt sweat beading at his head, the room was dark, but his senses were heightened. He slowly laid back down, listening to his heart beat slowly decrease in speed and return to normal. There was no longer a canvas of a sky, instead it was replaced with deep navy blue, and black. Plus, the ill yellows of the dim hallways nightlights added to it.

He started to sink back into the sheets and relax, when a voice startled him slightly.

“Are you okay?” It was unnerving, but at the same time it made him curious. Was it the person who belonged to the vacant bed earlier?

Mingyu cleared his throat before speaking, with a small voice, “Yeah, I think.” He closed his eyes. His body was tired, but his mind was screaming to not go back to sleep.

“Nightmare?” He spoke softly.

“Yeah.” Mingyu repeated. “I think I didn’t exist.”

The boy hummed in response, the sound so deep it almost reverberated in Mingyu’s own chest. “I’ve had my own share of those as well. Was it the trauma?”

Mingyu was almost confused by the question, but then came to the realization he was talking about his injury. “I think so. I saw myself undergoing surgery, then it was like I was never even born.” Mingyu took a deep breath. “It made me sad.” Mingyu shuddered, either from the memory or a cold chill.

“Do you think you will go back to sleep anytime soon?” He was asking a lot of questions for Mingyu’s liking, but he was too tired to bring up the question himself. Mingyu shook his head, then realized he couldn’t actually see the action. He answered with a simple no. “Do you want company? Something to dispose of the bad thoughts, maybe?”

Mingyu felt happiness at this. He had not formally talked to this boy yet he was asking if he wanted comfort, maybe because he possibly felt bad that for someone as new as Mingyu was, he was already having bad experiences. He replied with another one-word answer. “Why?”

“Because, I know what it’s like to experience something that seems so, well, unimaginable. It’s a scary thing really to experience something like death, of someone else, even yourself. I don’t like the feeling. I feel like no one does. Mindless talking helps takes away the memory. Or the idea.”

Mingyu sighed. Turns out, someone else talking to him about anything can calm him down. This time, his one-word answer was “Yes.”

“Did you see the sunset? I know you were sleeping when I came back in, but maybe you did see it. I’ll just keep talking, pretending that you did see it, regardless. That pink tone, that purple tone and all the warms in between, those are my favorite colors. I love how warm inside that the pure orange makes me feel. It’s like autumn again, the colors that those crisp leaves turn when their time is up. The pumpkins, the scarves, the love. It’s really something that reminds me of home.” He took a breath in. Mingyu heard him wheeze silently.

“The reds and the pinks because I was born in the summer. Watermelon and cherry popsicles. Flamingo print and bubblegum. What more could I use to describe the season? The feeling of being free for three months and seeing your friends, basking in the sun. Swing sets and long drives and… swim suits. A beautiful time of the year.” Another breath in. It sounded shaky this time. Mingyu let him continue, as he wanted to do this.

“Lilac and lavender because it reminds me of spring. The color purple, the pastel shades make me feel so light inside. I don’t need anything but it at the time. Night time neon signs and the little violets that grow in the garden unplanned. All the neighbors have their flowers out and the rain comes, it feels great on your skin in contrast to the sticky air. The cleanse of your lungs after a long, cold season. It feels fresh. It feels like it belongs.”

“Very poetic.” Mingyu whispered, he laid on his side now and was feeling drowsy.

“You start to appreciate poetry once you realize it sums up everything we live for. I live for great literature. The feeling you get after you finish a book that changes your perspective on something life changing- there’s no better feeling.” Mingyu was silent for a few seconds, before he whispered words of thanks to the boy next to him. A few minutes went by, he thought Mingyu had fallen asleep.

“My name is Wonwoo. If it will mean anything in due time.” Mingyu shifted.

“Thank you, Wonwoo.” He softly groaned. Wonwoo smiled gently.

“For you, Mingyu. Anytime.”


	3. 3

The washed out white of the ceiling was what greeted him in the morning. He didn’t need to turn his head to look out the window and see the baby blue of the sky, to see the trees swaying in a cold morning wind. Mingyu felt stiff. Maybe it’s the way he slept last night, he was sure he didn’t fall asleep in a comfortable position.

He felt a cold rush pass over his arms, making his hair stand on end, and he looked over to see the window was also propped open slightly. Also, Mingyu couldn’t draw his eyes away from the curtain which had been pushed open, revealing no body was sat there today, either. He heard the voice, now he just needed a face to match.

He sat up slowly, watching as nurses walked by with patients attached to their shoulders. He looked to his left again, he couldn’t help but to be so anxious when he came back in.

Right, Wonwoo. He had learned his name last night while he was half asleep, but he caught it, his voice suddenly waking him up.

My name is Wonwoo.

Mingyu had never heard a name like that before, and it made him all the more nervous. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He was just meeting someone new. As if someone was joining his soccer team. He was always excited for that, what makes this different?

Umm. A lot makes this different, Mingyu. No one is playing a sport and he’s almost sure with the way Wonwoo spoke yesterday he was pretty unfit to participate in anything relatively physical. Mingyu’s thoughts were drawn back to his voice.

It was soothing, he remembers. It was deep and raspy, but it didn’t aggravate him like it normally would have done, it made him feel relaxed. He liked how poetic he was. He made describing a sunset sound like a poem that belonged in history textbooks. He made it sound like the mot thought out thing, but he really just came up with it on the spot. How Mingyu wished he had that skill in high school.  
He put his head back against his pillows and tried desperately to forget about his situation. He  
was always taught to not grieve over himself, rather help others. He didn’t want to feel bad for himself. He knew his situation is not the best one, but he was sure that other could have it worse right now. Mingyu tried his hardest, yet he couldn’t help but to hate himself for being the only one to blame. 

He heard the door open. He opened his eyes and lifted his head off the pillow, and watched with a soft gaze and a nurse wheeled a wheelchair into the room. Mingyu, for only a fraction of a second, thought he was going to be sat in the contraption, until he saw a person sat in it. The person (which he figured must have been Wonwoo) had a dark, dusty brown fringe with a black cap (same material of the one Mingyu had on the previous day) but of a darker color, dark gray or black. He had a fair skin complexion, a small mouth with light pink lips, topping off his light skin as well.

The nurse wheeled him over to the bed with advanced machinery, and lifted his top half as they worked in a team to get him up. Mingyu noticed all of the support Wonwoo was providing was lifting himself up onto the bed, while the nurse took liberty in placing Wonwoo’s legs up. Mingyu concluded by watching that Wonwoo probably could not do this alone.

He sat there and observed quietly, with unjudging eyes. Once he was situated comfortably- or what seemed to be comfortably- the nurse wheeled the mobile chair to the corner behind his bed and she left without a word to Mingyu. Truthfully, she probably did not notice him. He watched as Wonwoo laid with his eyes closed, head back. His chest rose and fell, with a quick pace at first from the effort of lifting himself up onto the bed, but eventually steadied out. The room was silent save for the machines and their breathing. He spoke then.

“Mingyu.” Mingyu’s eyes opened a bit, shocked that he spoke, but also shocked that he knew his name. He never told him his name.

“Won…woo.” He watched as Wonwoo showed a half smile, on the side of his face that he could see. He could only see his right side profile, and he liked the way his nose pointed. He liked the way his bangs fell onto his forehead. “How do you know my name?”

Wonwoo sighed for a moment, an action that seemed to help him gather his thoughts. “I had asked the nurse who was now in my room. I am sure that you were not aware you would be with someone so, incapable. I suppose that is the word I’m looking for.”

“You asked who I was? Why not just ask me yourself?” Mingyu didn’t mean for that to sound harsh, he just wanted to know why Wonwoo did not make an appearance the first day Mingyu woke up from surgery.

He could see Wonwoo slowly nodding his head. “Maybe it’s because, one thing I once held confident in making friends, I’m no longer sure if I hold that ability anymore.”

Mingyu was speechless. Not because Wonwoo made everything sound like Old English literature– well, yes, partly that- but also because he was very vague. What did that mean? Mingyu could have a million things running through his mind trying to figure out what Wonwoo could have meant by that bunch of words, but instead, only one word circulated his brain. Why?

He heard Wonwoo laugh, a real one this time, and Mingyu felt a jolt of, pride? Gladness? Satisfaction? Upon hearing that sound, he found it strange, but turned to face Wonwoo and watch him as he spoke. “Are you confused yet?” Mingyu stayed silent, and Wonwoo took it as affirmative. “Good. I was hoping for that.” Wonwoo turned to Mingyu, and the latter just stared at him. He is seeing what his faced looks like from a front view and he liked it. His hair framed his face perfectly. He was still smiling slightly and it looked like it always belonged there. It turned sad for Mingyu, because he had a feeling that Mingyu would be out before Wonwoo was.

Mingyu sat up slightly, so he could see Wonwoo more clearly. His eyes looked tired, and sunken in. Mingyu felt bad for him. He could see by the words that were written below the skin of his face that he was tired, he was longing. Mingyu could tell that all he wanted was to be free, physically. Mingyu was hit with remorse, even though there was nothing he could do for Wonwoo.

“How come? Do you normally do this to people?” Wonwoo laughed again. Mingyu felt that wave of emotions again.

“Exactly. I like leaving them in suspense.” Mingyu laid back down, figuring he didn’t need to twist his body in such directions just to see Wonwoo, after all, there was no where he could go. So why does he need to watch him?

A few moments of silence went by, the thick weight of them was placed on them heavily, but Wonwoo broke it by saying in a small voice: “Tell me about you, Mingyu, yeah? About your school.”  
Mingyu decided to not ask why he wanted to hear about school, he knew he would just get some kind of ten stage riddle for an answer. He decided to just speak. 

“I just started college around four months ago. In high school I played soccer and not to brag but I was kind of the shit.” His heart lifted when he heard Wonwoo snort at the remark. “Sarcastically, of course. I really loved the sport so I took it up in college, but the season hasn’t even started yet and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to play this season because of my hemorrhage. All I know the doctor will tell me that running is going to rip my stitches or something.”

“Don’t be afraid of that. Fear is the worst thing, instead take it upon yourself to heal faster. Learn to treat yourself better, physically.” Mingyu thought about that. After all, smoking is the reason that he is here, so maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to quit, and get his life back on track.

“I should. I really would hate to miss this season and to impress the new coaches because I couldn’t control myself and had to do something rebellious the moment I wasn’t being watched by my parents. This year seemed like something I was excited about, and I loved my roommate and I loved where I was in that stage of my life, and so badly did I want it to feel like I was going to look back and say I had an amazing freshman college year.” Mingyu laughed bitterly. “I suppose not, now.”

Wonwoo shifted, Mingyu could hear. “Don’t say that. You can’t let this little thing to… stop you from saying that you had a good time. It’s not really the thing people like to hear; you know? Not to please anyone but yourself, but saying that it was a little bump in the road means you were okay once you get over it.”

Mingyu thought about that. It was true, he was bummed out that this happened to him but he also didn’t want it to stop him from saying he had a good time in school, which was not a hard thing to say. “Are you not going to let this hurt you either?”

Wonwoo was silent for a solid thirty seconds, and he inhaled deeply and answered. “It has all already hurt me. The damage is done.”

Mingyu felt unnerved by that response. How was Wonwoo telling him not to care about this part of his life yet he is saying that it won’t work for him? He is telling Mingyu to do the exact opposite of what he is doing for himself. Mingyu was a little angry by that response, but calmed himself down when he realized he does not know what has happened to Wonwoo. He does not know what kind of situation he is in and he does not know if Wonwoo will ever recover, but the way he speaks make it seem like he is confident to get back out there again. Mingyu took back that last thought when he remembered the response he got. He decided to ask on it.

“How did you get here?” Mingyu had a small voice.

“For another time, Mingyu. Everything will make sense when that time comes.” Mingyu sighed again. Will he ever get a straight answer out of this boy? He accepted the answer whole-heartedly, though. At this moment, a male nurse walked in.

“Mingyu, a visitor is in the lobby for you. Would you like me to send him up?”

“Who is it?” Mingyu wished it was not his parents, but he said ‘him’ so maybe it was not. He hoped for the latter, desperately.

“He has black hair, he had on a red sweatshirt and looks no older than you.” Seungcheol.  
Mingyu felt happy that he came, he felt very happy, at that. He nodded eagerly. “Please, send him up.” He answered. As soon as the nurse left, Wonwoo spoke.

“Can you walk, Mingyu?” Mingyu thought for a moment. He scrunched his face and nodded as an answer, knowing Wonwoo was looking at him. “Please, close this curtain, will you?”

Mingyu hoisted himself around the bed, his legs first and felt a pressure in his chest. It went away after a moment, and he slowly pulled himself up onto his feet. He felt steady, and took a step forward, fortunately not feeling anything worse. He took more steps towards Wonwoo’s curtain and grabbed the top, the other hand steading himself on Wonwoo’s guard rail. He felt Wonwoo grab his wrist. He pulled Mingyu close.

“Mingyu,” He spoke quietly, like he was afraid. “Do me a favor.” Mingyu nodded. “Pretend I’m not here. I prefer for my presence to go unknown to this person.” Mingyu swallowed, feeling a pit of something boil in his stomach looking at his face. Half of Mingyu was more than happy to do this for him because he felt bad for the state he was in, but also he felt like Wonwoo had no say in what he can and couldn’t do. He did not want to be an asshole to this boy, he had done nothing wrong to him. He agreed.

Pulling the curtain so that it covered up to the foot of Wonwoo’s bed, he stopped when he heard Wonwoo whisper a ‘That’s okay.’ and he walked back over to his own cot, laid down, feeling more relief that normal from getting off his feet.

The room was quiet for a moment or two until Mingyu saw a figure walk by the corridor windows (from under his drooping eyes) and enter the room. Wonwoo went completely silent, Mingyu told himself to pretend no one was with him.

Seungcheol sat on Mingyu’s right, and Mingyu lifted himself up so he was upright. “Mingyu, long time no see.” He joked with a smile, and Mingyu laughed at the remark.

“Feels like a long time yeah, how many days has it been even? I have nothing to tell me.”

Seungcheol furrowed his brows. “No phone? Computer?” Mingyu shook his head in response.

“My parents decided that letting me ‘interact’ and taking away all of my electronic necessities was a good way of getting back at me.” Seungcheol looked confused so Mingyu elaborated. “Their way of punishment for finding out that I was smoking.” Seungcheol understood this a lot more, and made a face to show the evidence.

“Damn, that sucks. I tried sending you a few messages but after you didn’t answer I just said fuck it, I’ll go and see him.”

Mingyu faked hurt. “You weren’t going to come?”

Seungcheol clicked his tongue. “Number one, of course I would come. Number two, when would I have the time? You know that that the exams are coming up and every fucking teacher is bulking down, no joke. Way too much work. Not enough time.”

Mingyu had to give him that. He knew that he had to fall ill, if ‘falling ill’ is the term he can use (well, he did literally fall) at the worst possible time. There would be loads of work for him to make up, and he may not even pass the exams. He started to stress out, but tried to hide it. He nodded at Seungcheol in agreement.

“Fine, fine. At least you came to keep me company. It’s been lonely and depressing. I’d like to be doing even homework online if my parents decided that taking away my laptop was necessary. Even though I’m here I do still go to school after all.”

Seungcheol leaned back in the seat. “Want mine? I could come back and give it to you like, tomorrow or something?” Mingyu shook his head.

“As much as getting some work out of the way actually sounds amazing, I’ll have to turn that down. It could take a few days and you need it, too.” Mingyu wanted so badly to make his parents give his computer back, but he knows that will be a stretch, and consist of them making up bullshit excuses like it’s not heathy for him to be staring at the screen while he had a head injury. Sure, it probably is in his best interest not to do it, but he still wishes he had a little more than what’s available to keep him company.

Seungcheol ended up staying for a whole 45 minutes, saying that he had to get back before his next class and Mingyu let him go without complaint, knowing that he would rather be killed than be late. Mingyu rested his head down on the pillow, which felt amazing after that whole 45-minute meeting, and listened as the door closed and Seungcheol’s footsteps faded down the hallway.

“He’s gone.” Mingyu spoke softly to the boy who he almost forgot was behind the curtain. He heard Wonwoo hum in response, so he asked: “Do you want the curtain back or not?” Wonwoo was silent for a second, before he replied with “Sure.”

Mingyu slowly got up again and repeated the backwards motion for what he did 50 minutes ago. Once he laid back down, Wonwoo spoke again, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. “How do you know him?” He asked politely, as if he was purely curious.

“He was my dorm roommate before I came here, well, I guess he technically is still my roommate. If my parents don’t pull me out, force me to go to community college or some shit.” Mingyu’s head started to hurt. He wanted to sleep but he knew he would be up all night if that was the case. “I just want to be out of here more than anything. I only want to because being back at school is my home away from home. I’m better off without being watched.”

“They do it because they want to look out for you.” Wonwoo spoke roughly, like he was trying to get Mingyu to understand. “They don’t do it just to piss you off.”

“Yeah, but could they do it without forcing rules on me like I’m still in grade school? My sister was able to do so much more before me and I kind of feel like they are making it so much worse for me because they think they went wrong with her.” Mingyu felt his head hurt even more, so he tried to block away as much pain as possible and focus on the conversation at hand.

“It doesn’t matter. After all this and after you leave college and graduate you will be thankful for your parents being there, and you will have thought you were so stupid to think you could go without them.” Wonwoo lifted his head now to face Mingyu, who was still facing up, with his eyes closed. “It’s no use, even at this age, trying to get rid of them. You will always regret it.”

Mingyu scrunched his eyes and brought his hands to his head, trying to massage away the pain that was beginning to grow larger. “In a life like mine it does matter. Where I want to go and who I want to be with is none of my parents’ concern, quite frankly. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t have parents to look over me.”

“You realize that the fact that you had no parents looking over you is the exact reason you are in here, because you just had to do something rebellious the minute they didn’t have their eyes on you, right?” Wonwoo sounded aggressive. Mingyu didn’t notice. “They are helping you, and the way that you talked about them to your friend made it seem like it was so horrible you had to be stuck with them. Get over it, Mingyu. You will need them one day, and there is no hurt in making that day and future start now.”

“You don’t get it.” Mingyu sat up, ignoring the straining that he put his head through just to get in that position. “I was so popular in high school. I had so many friends and so many people who wanted to be with me, and it felt great to know that. I want to do something different in college, and took advantage of the fact that they weren’t there, and I loved it. I would trade anything to be back there, with no brain problem, with no fucking issues what-so-ever, and no parents to try and take a say in things that I do.”

“Shut up!” Mingyu stilled when he looked over and saw Wonwoo facing him, angry look donning his face, and Mingyu was a bit shocked at the fact that Wonwoo had yelled at him over something so trivial. “Just shut up, Mingyu.” He watched as Wonwoo laid back down onto the pillow and shut his eyes quick. He stayed silent for the rest of the time, and he knew that Mingyu was still sitting there, staring at him.

Mingyu laid down, and he felt his head pain increase, and the throbbing made his grasp his head again, a hiss coming out of his mouth when a stabbing- like pain entered the side of his head. He tried to calm it down but it wouldn’t work. He felt so lightheaded, and he could grab his head until it cracked underneath his hands for all he cared. He felt his heart monitor go off track and sound weird, and he heard a nurse come in and take a hold of his wrists trying to get them away from his head, in fear of him ripping the stitches or actually collapsing his skull.

The nurse needed assistance of another, who then both took him out of the room into an operating room for holding, and knocked him out so he would not be in pain. They decided to put him on heavy painkiller, and Mingyu was out the whole time it was put inside him. Across the hall, Wonwoo sat there, waiting for them to bring him back okay.  
\--  
Yonghwa walked in, the male nurse that Wonwoo had gotten accustomed to in his short time here.  
“Wonwoo. What did you do to the poor boy?” He sat on the edge of Wonwoo’s bed and watched as the boy put his head down and looked dejected.  
“I don’t know. I regret it. I was just angry.”  
“He woke up, and he was saying that you yelled at him. The medicine they gave him makes him a bit weird at first, and that’s what he said.” Wonwoo looked away.  
“I just want him to be careful of what he’s saying.”  
Yonghwa stood, and was about to take Wonwoo out of his bed and into the chair when he stopped to say, “It goes a little deeper than just that. Don’t bother lying, we both know it’s true.”


	4. 4

His head felt dizzy and his eyes stuck to each other when he woke up. He looked around the room and remembered where he was. Mingyu had to squint when he turned his head towards the window, not being used to the bright light in his eyes.

He squinted harder when he still couldn’t see the room and he saw Wonwoo’s curtain open, and Wonwoo was indeed sitting there. Mingyu just couldn’t tell if Wonwoo was looking at him or not. He turned his head back down to the foot of his bed and he stared into space for a moment, trying to get used to the light in the room without going blind.

After a few minutes of back and forth hard and heavy blinking, Mingyu sat up, and he felt so weak and drained. He groaned when he leaned onto one arm, letting anyone and everyone know that it hurt and he could barely move. He was so incredibly stiff and sore. He rested his back on the raised portion of the bed, sighing in relief when he relaxed again. He breathed in deeply before opening his eyes, finally being used to the amount of light pouring in and turned his head to look at Wonwoo, who had been watching him the whole time.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo’s voice sounded hoarse, almost like it had the first time Mingyu heard him spoke. He felt grateful that Wonwoo still wanted to talk to him after Mingyu apparently made him upset yesterday.

Mingyu nodded as his only response. He took that back after a while, shook his head slightly and asked, “What happened?”

Wonwoo bit his lip, trying to explain the situation. “We were talking, then it seemed that your head started hurting badly. Some nurses took you in and knocked you out with a heavy painkiller, and now you are here.” He looked at Mingyu. He had his head back against the top of the bed and he was leaning over to see Wonwoo clearly. His eyes were still squinting a little bit, and Wonwoo thought he could see this forever. He thought he could live in this moment, despite everything fucked up about the time and location and situations and the lives both of them have to live. Wonwoo could remember this one moment. He could come back to it later when he needed to. When he thinks Mingyu will forget him when he leaves. He swallowed, and corrected himself. “Now we are here.”

Mingyu blinked and looked down, feeling guilty for making one of his only friends mad at him. “I’m sorry-”

“Stop.” Mingyu’s stomach tightened, afraid that he had hit a nerve Wonwoo did not want to touch upon. “Don’t apologize.” Wonwoo turned his head to look out the window, at the traffic speeding past him on the long stretch of a highway. He did not say more.

Mingyu sniffled. “I feel bad though. It doesn’t seem like you to be mad about things. I feel like I did something wrong, and I wanted to say sorry.”

Wonwoo turned again, but not making eye contact with Mingyu. “You’re right. I do not get mad about many things. I guess it’s just that.” Mingyu didn’t say anything to provoke his anger again, he didn’t like the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when Wonwoo turned away from him and did not speak to him for the rest of the night. “But it is not your fault. I’m going to make myself feel better by thinking it was your headache making you do that, so don’t object to make me feel worse.” Wonwoo shot Mingyu a crooked smile, and Mingyu felt lighter on the inside when Wonwoo showed him that he was not upset anymore. For some reason, all Mingyu feels like he needs to do while he is here, is make Wonwoo smile. If it makes Wonwoo happy, it makes Mingyu happy as well.

“My eyes feel crusty.” He heard Wonwoo snort at the comment, and he jabbed back.

“You were out for a solid twelve hours. I wouldn’t expect you to feel totally okay after taking such a heavy drug.” Mingyu coughed and rubbed the crust off of his tear ducts. Some nurses walked in, one to Mingyu and two to Wonwoo. Mingyu didn’t turn around when the nurse told him to stretch.

“Are you boys hungry?” One of the nurses asked, and Mingyu nodded, all he could think about right now was food, and even though he was picturing a three stack buttermilk pancake dish with strawberries and whipped cream, syrup and chocolate chips, he knew not to expect much from the hospital.

“Wonwoo?” The same woman asked, and he nodded as well. She gestured for Mingyu to stand, and he did so slowly, with her support under his arms and around his waist. They both stopped when they heard Wonwoo speak.

“Are you going to leave me?” Mingyu knew he didn’t intend for it to sound harsh (and he assumed the nurses knew, too) but it came out a bit on that side. The male of the three associates in the room spoke. 

“You want to go down to the cafeteria and eat with Mingyu? You won’t stay here?” He looked puzzled, like it wasn’t in Wonwoo’s agenda to go down and socialize. Wonwoo nodded curtly and looked 100% sure about it.

“Yes, I’m going with him.” The make nurse, which Mingyu knew his name was Yong- something, gave him a look that Wonwoo rolled his eyes at and Mingyu smiled to himself. He patiently watched as the two nurses worked together to get Wonwoo from the bed to the wheelchair, and he rolled over to Mingyu, him and the nurse taking the lead to the elevator. 

Once they were down in the cafeteria he guided them over to where he saw Jihoon sitting with another boy he did not recognize. He introduced himself to the new boy (whose name was Hansol) and Mingyu scooted Wonwoo up next to his seat. Mingyu reached over and fixed a strand of hair that was out of place, and he put in back in its place. Wonwoo looked over at him with a confused yet thankful gaze. Mingyu just smiled back.

Jihoon spoke up. “I’ve never seen you before.” It was directed at Wonwoo. Mingyu supposes that Jihoon doesn’t remember anymore that he actually one did see Wonwoo, or maybe he does and he doesn’t want to bring it up. At least that would be the respectable thing to do.

Wonwoo nodded. “I don’t come down here. The only company I need is myself.” He ended quietly, but with a factual look. Jihoon just stared at him. Not in a mean or forceful way, but after just one meeting with him Mingyu thinks that Jihoon was itching to know more about Wonwoo, because that’s just who he was. Nosy. Mingyu doesn’t even know what happened to Wonwoo, so he figured that that is all the information is going to get.

“Where did you get those hats? They match.” Hansol spoke up. Mingyu had forgotten that a nurse had placed the same mint green hat back on the top of his head to hide his still ever-so-present bald spot. He noticed Wonwoo was wearing one as well, a darker purple (it suited him) and it was on the back of his head. Mingyu noticed that where the rim of the knit hat came down to meet his neck, the hair behind his ears abruptly stopped, and a small bit of bare scalp was peeking through. Mingyu silently concluded that he has had some kind of head trauma, and was most likely trying his best to stop Mingyu- or anyone- from noticing. Mingyu felt something negative stir in his abdomen. 

“The nurses. To cover my bald spot from surgery.” Mingyu stated, being honest about his answer. He almost turned to stare at Wonwoo but decided against it when he heard him whisper ‘Likewise.’

“How old are you, Hansol?” Wonwoo distracted them from his answer with another question, which Mingyu had been wondering about himself. He looked young, and it hurt Mingyu a little bit to know someone so young had to be here for some reason. Kids should not have to endure this. He knew he shouldn’t have to.

“I’m only 17.” Jihoon furrowed his brows at him like he didn’t know how old he was, he just pulled him down to sit and knew nothing about him beforehand. “Had a bone marrow transplant.”

“Yikes,” Mingyu whispered. So young. He discreetly looked over at Wonwoo again who was looking down at the table, looking like he was staring out into space, thinking of something he wants to keep guarded. Mingyu got the sudden urge to fight whatever was holding him bac. Call him nosy too, but Mingyu just wanted to help.

“I’ll be out of here in no time.” He ended with a smile. Mingyu felt his heart warm because he still had the lightness inside of him. Mingyu remembers at that age feeling desolate. Hopeless. He only had school and his team to distract him but every summer there seemed to be no one interested in him, no one to come around and stick with him. It was a nice feeling to know there was still someone that young that had people to talk to, friends to lean on. Mingyu only had two close friends, despite being so ‘popular’. They don’t go to the same college as him, and his heart hurt at the thought that they might drift apart, just like every other friend he had every other grade.

Mingyu noticed that Jihoon had started talking to Wonwoo, but couldn’t bring himself to listen. His thoughts were stuck on his two friends, which he had forgotten about, and he shamed himself for forgetting their existence when he came to university. He hadn’t bothered to text them while he was there, never mind here, and he doesn’t even think his parents had informed them. They rarely came over to Mingyu’s home while his parents were still there. Maybe they thought they were just other friends that he wouldn’t have in the next year.

He starts thinking about what they’re feeling. Do they actually know about Mingyu in the hospital? Did they wonder why they never got texts from him? Calls from him? Are they hurt that he doesn’t reach out? Do they think that he has moved on now? Mingyu feels remorse pool in his stomach. The last thing he needed was his friends worrying or thinking that he abandoned them. He wanted to cry, but at the same time he wanted to be angry. It was his parents fault that he could not contact them, now. He was brought out of this thoughts when Wonwoo laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Everything okay?” He spoke softly, like he always does when Mingyu seems on edge. He saw that Hansol and Jihoon were turned to speak to others sat behind them, and he realized he had been staring at the table, his headspace going wild. Mingyu nodded anyway, not feeling up to hearing helping words, even if they weren’t harsh.

Mingyu just looked at Wonwoo for a moment, while the latter looked back. He felt at home in his eyes. When Mingyu looked at Wonwoo, he felt warm and comfy, he felt like there was nothing to stress about. Almost like Wonwoo’s gaze, Wonwoo’s touch, Wonwoo’s words and everything of the sort were his painkiller. When Mingyu saw Wonwoo’s smile for the first time, it was like he never passed out in his kitchen at 1:23PM on a Tuesday afternoon. It was like he always had the freedom he wanted, because Mingyu could see himself watching the sunset from a mountain top in one of the most beautiful places in the world, with Wonwoo.

After a few moments, Mingyu came back to his senses. He saw the affection in Wonwoo’s eyes, and he could see that he really cared. Mingyu suddenly got a wave of guilt for treating him wrongly, even though he never even did so.

Mingyu turned his attention back to the two boys in front of them who were speaking directly to each other, but also to the whole table. Mingyu didn’t feel as out of place as he knew he should, but for some reason, it felt right.

Mingyu and Wonwoo both made their way back to the room which Mingyu almost called home, as if they lived in an apartment, but stopped himself when he didn’t want to come off as clingy or, just plain weird.

He had his eyes closed, feeling amazing while laying down after the fact he had been in an uncomfortable seat and on his feet most of the day, when a nurse walked in. She stood there for a moment, looking at Wonwoo, who was completely asleep, and Mingyu, who had not moved an inch but was looking at her through his cracked eyes. She slowly shut to door as not to wake Wonwoo, and maneuvered her way to the awake boy.

“Mingyu, your parents are here and would like to see you. Is that fine?” Mingyu sat up suddenly. No, no. He did not want to see his parents. That was not fine. He wanted them to stay far away from here as possible but of course, again, that is not a choice he can make. He turned to look at Wonwoo, he knew his parents were going to be loud and he knew they were going to ask if there was anyone there. He turned back to the nurse reluctantly. Before he could croak a response, she said “I don’t think you want to wake Wonwoo just to move him, so I can shut the curtain, out of his requests, also.” Mingyu nodded slowly, he knew he had to let his parents up. It would be wrong to tell the nurse to say he was sleeping. Even if he did do that, they would probably stay there and wait.

He waited somberly as his parents most likely trudged up the stairs, not having the patience to wait for the elevator. He looked over at Wonwoo’s now closed curtain, and wondered, just wondered, what it would be like to have him hold his hand and support him for what he knows is coming.

The door opened, and he slowly dragged his eyes away from the drawn curtain to see his mother and father- minus his sister this time- on the seat. His mother had somewhat a look of content on her face while his father looks stern. Like Mingyu had done something else wrong while he was here. He sighed and laid back, focusing his eyes on the ceiling.

His mother spoke first. “Mingyu, the doctor told us that it is a speedy recovery you are making and you should be out soon. Which is good news, smile a bit.” Mingyu’s heart stopped a bit. He would be out, without Wonwoo? He would be out and walking and able to say that he’s okay, he recovered, and he can smile with his friends again and resume back in school. When Wonwoo couldn’t. It was clear that he wouldn’t be able to, he was in horrible shape, and Mingyu didn’t want to admit it to himself but it’s true, he was in no condition to be out and discharged and free in no time. He didn’t want that. He wants to make sure Wonwoo was okay, and healing at all times.

“You will be coming back home to us. No more dorms.” His father added. Mingyu gave them an incredulous look. 

“What?” He stated. He was not going back home; he couldn’t take it. 

“Since you decided to do acts that are frowned upon in our household, you will stay in said household until we know that you won’t do such acts again.” His father sounded like he had been waiting for this part the whole night. He sounded happy to tell Mingyu that he would have to find his own way to commute to school, because living in that dorm was out of the question.

“That’s not fair, we live so far away from school, and what am I supposed to do at home? My closest friends are away at college, too!” Mingyu tried his best to keep his voice down for Wonwoo’s sake, but he figured he was already awake and all ears.

“You can find a way to get a ride, if you can find a way to get cigarettes.”

“Not at all the same thing!” Mingyu fought back.

“It’s how it’s going to be, so don’t bother changing it, it’s the final decision.” His father was curt, and Mingyu felt hatred boil in his stomach for being put through something he doesn’t deserve.

Mingyu didn’t hear what his mother said. His ears were steaming and his blood was boiling. He was so angry with the world, with his parents, with the dorm, for whatever reason, and with Minhee, and with himself.

He didn’t want to have to be back in their small home, which was now much too big for both his sister and himself. He wanted to go back with Seungcheol in the dorm, he even wanted to see his two best friends again and even if it was the last possible thing to do, he wanted to be with them. For a second, the thought of wanting to be forever with Wonwoo crossed his mind. He didn’t mind the flavor it left behind.

“Mingyu!” Mingyu reluctantly turned his head back towards his parents, and a facial expression that said all the words he didn’t need to, or want to. “It’s final.” Mingyu scoffed at the remark. They went to stand up. They drove all the way to the hospital just to tell him that? “Minghao and Yeonghee say hello.”

Mingyu watched as they turned into the corridor and left. He felt relieved that they left, angered that they are making him stay, relieved again that his best friends actually bothered to reach him, and angered again that they are making him stay. Mingyu groaned and slammed his head back, feeling the pain ripple throughout his skull.

“Hey,” A voice came from his left side. “Be careful over there.” Mingyu felt so much weight lifted off his body with that voice that donned his ears. He felt so much emotion come over him, anger mixed with the relief mixed with the gentleness of Wonwoo’s voice. Mingyu whimpered, he tried to speak but there was nothing he could say that could put his feelings into tangible emotion. “Don’t strain yourself. You need to relax while you are here. Relax while you can.” Mingyu took a shaky breath in, it was audibly shaky, Wonwoo could hear the unsteadiness in nothing but the air he exhaled, and he breathed out. He started crying. 

Mingyu cried because the most bearing thought on his shoulders is that he would be leaving Wonwoo in the dust. He cried because he got to say that he can walk okay and breath okay, while Wonwoo laid back in his bed, unable to feel his ankles move, if he could move them. He sobbed because he did not want to see Wonwoo perish alone, he didn’t want Wonwoo to feel like he was only a temporary ease for his hurting. He wanted Wonwoo to know that he really cared, and he did not want him to think that he was nothing more than a short-term friend to keep him company while he got his aneurysm removed. 

Mingyu also cried because he was furious. He was not getting fair treatment, and he felt like his voice was not being heard. He felt like he could not reach out to his parents because they just didn’t experience Mingyu’s life first hand, and could only judge from the third person perspective. He was so frustrated with the fact that he could not express what he wanted. In his parents’ eyes, he was a handicap and they could push him around. He cried out of anger. He cried because he was going to be lonely.

“I hope you don’t think I am a bad friend because I am not over there comforting you. Trust me, If I could, I would.” Mingyu’s heart felt light and his sobs let up a bit. His face was wet with tears and his heart monitor was going slightly over speed. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished for the pain to go away. Not in his head, but in his heart. He sniffled and cleared his throat, using the back of his hand to smear the tears cascading down his cheeks. “Come here,” Wonwoo whispered. He felt jittery, but he stood anyway.

He was now comfortable with standing and walking around, so he tried to do it as often as possibly, so it didn’t become a cavity to him once he got discharged. He made his way over to Wonwoo’s bed, and he pushed back the curtain hesitantly. His heart fluttered when he saw Wonwoo had moved over, (he was being careful of all the tubes and cables he didn’t want to hit) and he motioned for Mingyu to lay with him.

Wonwoo took both sides of Mingyu’s face in either hand and delicately wiped his tears, what Mingyu had not gotten or what had fallen again. Wonwoo then took his right arm and wrapped it around Mingyu’s shoulders, his left hand placed on Mingyu’s head, and he carefully lowered his head onto his own shoulder. Wonwoo placed the left side of his face on the top of Mingyu’s head, being sure to avoid the bald spot and slowly healing scar. “You’ll be okay.” Wonwoo whispered. Mingyu shuddered and drew in a stuttered breath, releasing it gingerly. Wonwoo repeated himself. Wonwoo would repeat himself as many times as Mingyu needed until he was sure it really would be okay.

Wonwoo lifted his head after some time and looked outside. “It’s almost sunset.” Mingyu lifted his head, still sniffling but the tears have ended, to look outside the window. He hummed in agreement.

Wonwoo reached over to press a button on the side of his bed, and laid back down. Mingyu sighed and shut his eyes again, listening to Wonwoo’s breathing, and he felt like this is something that should be saved for another place, another time.

A nurse walked in, (Mingyu found that that’s what the button does) and he went around to Wonwoo to help him out of his bed and place him in the wheelchair. Mingyu sat up, watching. Only did he stand when Wonwoo nodded his head, telling him to follow them. Mingyu stood, a little unsteady but better than the first day nonetheless, and he held on to the nurse’s shoulder with his permission.

They were put in an elevator, and Wonwoo told the nurse that he could take it from here. Mingyu leaned against the wall and looked at Wonwoo, who rolled his neck, trying to stretch out. Once the doors opened, they were in a small room, with windows and one door, and Mingyu could see that Wonwoo brought them to the roof, arguably to watch the sunset. It was nearly time. 

Wonwoo instructed Mingyu to wheel him over to the bench that was facing the sun. With Wonwoo next to him, Mingyu took a seat left of him and watched as the sun slowly descended and the canvas reappeared, like it does every night following another. Mingyu heard Wonwoo sigh beside him, and he looked over, and they caught each other’s eyes. Wonwoo’s face was fit perfectly for this orangey pink lighting, and the rim lighting of the white made hid features stand out perfectly. Wonwoo turned back to the sky. He spoke.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Mingyu nodded. He didn’t think Wonwoo saw him, but he did, so he continued. “A scene like this makes me feel so… what’s the word… immortal.” 

Mingyu looked at him. “How so?” He loved when he got to ask these questions. He loved when Wonwoo spoke his mind and he got to hear how he thinks. He wished for a moment that he could hear this forever.

“Because. It makes me feel like a piece of a painting. And in a painting, you don’t die. You don’t get older, you live on and on. You are forever part of their painting. Looking forever at the sky. The clouds are painted with such strokes and accuracy that makes looking at it feel new every time. There’s something about it. It makes me feel warm inside.”

“The colors?” Mingyu asked, wanting him to not stop speaking.

“The colors,” He answered, and took a breath. “I love warm colors more than cool colors. It really gives me more reason to live.” Then, softly, he added, “More reason to try and stay alive.” 

Mingyu wanted to look over but his eyes were fixated on the shimmering spectrum of the warmest colors, all thrown onto one huge canvas. If he could assure anything, it would be that this would be the moment he would always want to go back to.

Wonwoo took another breath in, watching the display sincerely, loving every moment of it. “I love these colors because they remind me of who I am. Who was around me.” Mingyu closed his eyes to listen, hot opened them again when he decided he wanted to watch the show. “The red reminds me of my father. There was this one red shirt he wore a lot, a little embroidered fox on the breast. I remember seeing it so much growing up, and it seems like the good old days when he puts it back on.” He laughed, and smiled sadly. “The pink reminds me of my mother. She had this passion for flowers, and her favorite flower was a chrysanthemum. She had this small pink chrysanthemum hair pin, and wore it whenever she wore her pink dress. That is all I can picture when I think about her now.” Mingyu drew his eyes from bottom to top of the expanse of color, and tried to guess which pink he was looking at. “The orange reminds me of my little brother. He wanted to paint his walls orange once, and he decided that it was his favorite color. He was so happy when my mother put orange flowers in the garden. He would love this.” Wonwoo looked down at the horizon, where the colors ended and the harsh lights of the city started.

“What color reminds you of yourself?” Mingyu asked. Wonwoo seemed glum now that he was talking about this, so he tried to let him keep talking about anything but that. 

“I don’t know.” Wonwoo lifted his eyes again. “Maybe yellow. It was a happy color and lots of my friends described me as happy. I’m not so sure anymore though.” Mingyu looked at him. His head was tilted opposite of Mingyu. He could see the reflection of the sun in his eyes. It turned his whole world upside down. Why was looking at Wonwoo like this so amazing? Why did it make him feel as warm as the colors he loved on the inside? Why did he have a gut instinct that this was not a meant to last?

Wonwoo moved his head left to right, examining the horizon. “Does it ever end?” Mingyu looked over in confusion. Wonwoo looked back, and turned away again. “The horizon. It seems to go on and on. Does it? Where does it end? Where does it break?” Wonwoo had wetness in his eyes, and Mingyu was afraid he was going to let them fall. He blinked, and they disappeared. Mingyu looked back at the contrast of the dark city skyline against the fading light of the beautiful sunset. “I mean, it ends somewhere. It’s got to end somewhere.”

Mingyu shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. The world always goes round. There’s no end to that.”

Wonwoo stayed quiet for a minute, then answered him. “The beauty stops somewhere.”

“Who says it has to?” Mingyu was looking at Wonwoo, and they stared at each other when Wonwoo turned to meet his face. There was that feeling again. The feeling of a warm little home after a long day, being embraced in the arms of the one person who can make it seem like everything is inferior. Mingyu felt the breeze go through his own hair and saw it go through the boy’s across from him. Wonwoo smiled slightly, and looked down.

“Did anyone tell you how I became this way? I wasn’t born like this.” Mingyu didn’t answer, but Wonwoo took it as one. “A car wreck… it happened two and a half weeks ago. We were on our way to see a school play; my brother was so excited because his best friend was in it.” He sighed, the action was a little shaky. “Someone swerved to avoid another car coming towards them, and ended up going into us.” Wonwoo shut his eyes, and Mingyu saw tears fall and hit his lap. He looked back up at the sky, the cascade of colors starting to fade, tracks of tears on his face also. 

“I’m the only one who survived.” He stated in a whisper, a whisper that sounded so broken. Mingyu felt an overwhelming urge to start bawling but he knew it was not appropriate. His heart broke as well as Wonwoo’s and Mingyu shrunk into a cavern of a depression-like feeling upon knowing that Wonwoo had to live with the fact that he was alone every day. Mingyu wanted to help him, so, so bad.

Mingyu could not find the words to speak. He turned his head back to the sun which had now dipped well below the horizon. His eyes were met with a murky blue color, something he did not enjoy looking at. He realized it was true. The horizon really does end; the beauty really does break.

“I was paralyzed… from the waist down. I have a major concussion. It’s not looking well.” Wonwoo took short breaths between pauses and looked up at the sky, Mingyu’s mood fell lower when he saw there were no longer the colors that represented his family.

“I believe in you.” And it was true. Mingyu believed that Wonwoo would be okay. He believed that Wonwoo was the kind of boy that can get up after being beaten to a pulp and move on. He believed that Wonwoo had faith in himself to recover and tackle the fact that he could not walk, because he believed that Wonwoo was strong. Mingyu believed in Wonwoo, he knew he would be okay.

Wonwoo reached for Mingyu’s hand and grasped it tightly. He sobbed a bit, but not loudly, and Mingyu let him. Mingyu would let him until he had no tears left.

The room was as lifeless as the first time Mingyu stepped foot (or unconscious body) inside of it. With Wonwoo in his bed and Mingyu in his own, nothing felt out of place, besides the fact they were somewhere that they were unfortunately destined to be. Mingyu wouldn’t ask for anything different.

“Thank you.” Wonwoo huskily whispered, voice thick with remnants of his emotional episode.

“For you, Wonwoo. Anytime.”


	5. 5

The first couple of days following Wonwoo’s tearful episode had seemed just as normal as the last. Not that much time had gone by, roughly a day and a half, until we land ourselves in their current situation, which was morning.

Mingyu disliked rain. He disliked it in high school because it always meant practice was cancelled, and if it was a two-hour long practice like he had on Saturdays, that meant no after practice cookout to look forward to at his teammates house. He disliked rain because he felt like it made the sky look ugly, it made the sky look so sad to be where it was. Like it was crying. Mingyu did not like seeing people cry, but with Wonwoo, it was different.

Mingyu liked the rain because it felt freeing to walk outside in the rain with no risk other than just getting wet. After all, it’s just water. He liked the rain because it was the release of hot, sticky weather at the end of a long school day, which was amazing. Mingyu did not know relief until he walked outside in the rain after sitting in sweltering classrooms, his forearms sticking to the desks.

Likewise, Wonwoo also hated the rain. Wonwoo disliked the rain because that meant there was likely no sunset to look forward to in the evening, and no rainbow leading to a pot of gold. For Wonwoo, the pot of gold was just the relaxation and serene feeling that followed a beautiful sunset. The gentle breeze blowing in the open window, the wind chimes making soothing sounds that are almost just out of earshot, and the coolness of the air, that feels wet, like rain will come.

That’s what Wonwoo likes about the summer. He likes the feeling of lying in bed with no sheets on, face cool as the wind hits it. His arms spread by his sides and he relaxed and bathed in the cool, but not cold air. The nice feeling that summer air after a good storm brought. He also liked rain because he liked lightning. He thought it was so fascinating how lightning was even a thing that could happen in nature, and it blew his mind. He liked sitting by his window watching the approaching storm, seeing each and every unique bolt of lightning come down, and hit somewhere different. He liked that part of the rain.

Waking up to the rain however, is a different story.

Wonwoo rolled his head over in his bed. Hearing the rain pound on the window made him feel groggy, and though he tried to keep his head high, this was the kind of rain that forced his head back down. He turned to his right, expecting to see Mingyu lounging away comfortably in his bed, but was met with the harsh colors of the curtain instead. He did not remember shutting the curtain, so he reached out and tried to pull it back, mustering up as much strength in his upper body as he could. He eventually did get it back, just enough to see Mingyu.

He watched him as his head was rolled back, his profile on full display. Wonwoo liked the shape of his nose, and he also noticed his jawline was very present. He wondered what one has to do to achieve such a prominent jawline. Wonwoo watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath he took in. He watched as his eyes twitched, maybe due to the bright lighting in the room, and he watched when his hands curled into fists by his side.

Wonwoo was intrigued by all Mingyu did in his sleep. For a small moment, he longed for this to be a permanent thing he woke up to. He stopped wondering when he knew he was delusional, and there was no way he could get more than what he was seeing right now.

Mingyu stirred more, Wonwoo held his breath because he secretly wanted Mingyu to keep sleeping, and he did. Something about the feeling of watching Mingyu sleep while hearing the knocking of the rain against the glass was soothing to him. His eyes felt heavy, like he could almost fall asleep again. So he did.

Waking up this time, he saw his curtain yet again but heard voices on the other side. He isn’t as mad about his curtain when he realizes there are people here, talking with Mingyu. He listened in on it, trying to stay as quiet as possible.

“I’m not even surprised you would do something like this. I could see it in your face after very game that you just wanted to get out there, do whatever. Even have a hemorrhage.” It was a girl’s voice.

Mingyu laughed at that, and Wonwoo felt warm inside when listening to it. “Hey,” Mingyu replied. “What can I say. I guess it’s just destiny.” He heard the people laugh again, there was more than one.

“We got a new dog.” He heard Mingyu gasp, Wonwoo jokingly rolled his eyes, if that boy could shapeshift into literally anything, a dog is what he would choose. He assumed they showed a picture of it to Mingyu, because he screeched, then most likely remembered Wonwoo was there, and lowered his voice. He started ranting about how cute the dog was and how he needed to meet it, and on and on. 

Wonwoo turned his head, listening to the quiet voices and the rain on the window next to him. He could see nothing but the smearing of water on the glass panes and the blurriness of buildings and cars driving by. The sky was a murky gray. He knew there was nothing good to look forward to tonight.  
\--  
Mingyu stretched his arms over his head, yawned loudly, then decided it was time for Wonwoo to wake up. “Wonwoo.” He stated.

He heard shifting behind the pale curtain and a surprisingly awake voice saying back, “Mingyu.” Mingyu’s eyes opened wider, wishing he could see Wonwoo.

“You’re awake?”

“Been.” Mingyu pouted a bit.

“Is it my fault?” He really did not want to be blamed for Wonwoo waking up. He wanted him to sleep.

“Maybe. I woke up to people in the room. To you screaming about a dog. To the rumble of thunder.” Mingyu laughed a bit, tearing his eyes away, figuring the curtain would not open any time soon.

“Yeah, sorry about that. It was just my two best friends. I didn’t expect them to come visit me, and I didn’t want to delay it any longer, so I figured I would just tell them that there is someone behind the curtain and they want to sleep. We tried. I guess it didn’t work.” Mingyu sighed, he didn’t mean to wake him up. “You slept late, though. Rough night.”

“It did work, dumbass. I woke up after they came in. Don’t worry about it.” Mingyu nodded to himself, looking at his hands joined in his lap. Wonwoo spoke again. “What time is it anyway?”

Mingyu answered after a brief second of looking at the clock. “4:35 PM.”

Wonwoo groaned. “I’m hungry. But I’m so tired.” He kept groaning and Mingyu laughed at him, and suggested they go down to get food.

After minutes went by of them struggling to get up, seeing as they hadn’t moved in roughly a day, they made it there after some fuss. Mingyu had only been standing for a solid 13 minutes but he felt so relieved when he sat down at the table with Wonwoo in close reach. His head jerked forward and his eyes reopened when the chairs in front of him scraped the floor, and the little monster sat down.

“Good afternoon sunshine.” Mingyu joked. Jihoon made a face back, but didn’t retaliate. Hansol took his seat next to them as well, and Mingyu noticed he seemed a lot more himself than the last time they met. Maybe today was his last day. So he asked.

“Yeah,” Hansol answered. “I mean, I made a lot of nice friends but I also really want to leave, no offence.” Mingyu laughed, and he heard Wonwoo breath out a laugh as well.

“None taken. At least it’s nothing serious, I hope?” Hansol smiled again, Mingyu noted that he is just one of those types. 

“Nah, it’s all good.” Hansol’s attention was diverted when someone called his name from across the room, he promptly stood up after dismissing himself, and it was just the three of them left.

“I got no sleep.” Jihoon grumbled. He seemed a little angrier than usual, and Mingyu figured this was the reason.

“Why is that? It’s not hard to tell but, still.” Jihoon glared at Mingyu before he continued.

“The goddamn thunder woke me up. I swear I would sell a limb or anything else in exchange for being a heavy sleeper. Literally. Anything.” Jihoon grabbed Mingyu’s forearm and squeezed it to further emphasize his point.

Mingyu raised his eyebrow and gently tried to unhook his fingers from indenting his skin. “That loud, huh? I guess the kind like you weren’t meant to survive during thunder storms.”

“I’ll watch you die Mingyu, and I’ll love every minute of it.” 

“Good luck with that, sweetheart. Finally, food.” Food was placed in front of them and they ate it, despite not loving it incredibly, they were grateful to eat something rather than nothing. Mingyu could slowly see his inner self coming out, and he started acting like he did back at home, and he liked this and disliked this for two good reasons.

Mingyu liked how he was warming up to the people here because it meant that new friends meant new bonds with people. He liked being in an environment where he had someone to talk to comfortably, without having to dodge bullets. He liked how he could act freely and that just how he was, and people knew that. Wonwoo and Jihoon knew that Mingyu was the type to be cynical sometimes, but supporting none the less. Mingyu liked when he had friends there that he could rant to, cry to, or even just have fun with. That was the good part, at least.

Mingyu also hated it because he knew he would have to leave eventually. He would eventually be taken out of the doors, never to come back, and never to share the experience again. Even if fate takes a horrible turn and he is back in the hospital again for whatever reason, who’s to say he will enjoy it with the people he likes again? And Wonwoo. Who’s to say Wonwoo will want to communicate once they are both free? Mingyu does not want to admit this, he does not want to say this to himself because he is afraid, but he had a gut feeling that he will never see Wonwoo again.

Mingyu did not say this to himself because he felt like he was directly insulting Wonwoo by saying that. He felt like he was spitting on their friendship, and the bond they have created, and the wall they built up, and the secrets that they share. Mingyu felt like if their friendship was a printed document with no copies, he ripped it up and threw it away, making sure he would never see it again. Mingyu didn’t admit to himself that he had suspicion they weren’t meant to be together because he was afraid of the aftermath. He would be devastated, and he did not want to start writhing earlier than necessary.

There were a lot of emotions stirring inside his head at night, and in the darkest hours, he almost felt like this was not where he was supposed to be. He almost felt like everything was out of place and if anything was meant to be, it was no this. He acknowledged the fact that he was aware of both of their conditions and if Mingyu was healing like a god, Wonwoo just got damned to Hell. There have been those times where thinking was not on his side, and he was caught in an unfair game of ‘would you rather’. Throw his feelings aside and continue on with his life like this wasn’t a thing, or remember Wonwoo in all of his days, though Wonwoo might not want to remember him? Deciding something like this was like he was walking the grounds of his worst nightmare, caught in a tornado, or simply just being alive, in this place, at this time.

Sitting there, Mingyu realized that he felt so comfortable with the boy whom he shared rooms with. He realized that he would trade that for nothing.

“Shit…” Mingyu mumbled as he stretched. “Anyone know where the bathroom is?”

Wonwoo shrugged. He, too, mumbled a response. “Just ask.”

Mingyu stood up and made his wobbly way over to a nurse by the wall, and she directed him to the door by the side of the room. Mingyu made his way over and the opening revealed a small set of five stairs, which he carefully walked down, and made his way to the bathroom (which, to be honest, he had been desperate for).

Wonwoo was sitting comfortable, enjoying nice conversation with Jihoon. Even though, with Mingyu, he seemed small and packed a punch, he was nice and knew how to keep the conversation going. Wonwoo felt like Jihoon made it feel like there was nothing to be afraid about with a conversation, and before he knew it they were talking like old friends about nothing and anything.

Meanwhile, Mingyu faced the challenge of going back up the stairs, no matter how little there were, he wasn’t used to it. He carefully took a step up and conquered it, and lifted his body. He was still shaky in the legs and knew he shouldn’t trust this, but he needed to get back up one way or another. He took another step, it went swimmingly, as the first one did. The next step he felt more confident on. He let go of the railing to test the waters, and it seemed to be the temperature he liked. He took another step this time, abandoning the training wheels, but maybe, it was a mistake.

While he lifted his body, he hadn’t realized he stepped on his gown, and when he thrust his body upward, it came crashing back down. He fell onto his right side, and his head came crashing and hit the edge of a stair, and he felt nothing at first, but then everything at once. He yelled out, feeling hot in his head, feeling wet in his head, he was bleeding again. He knew he had cut open the stitches in his head and he was slowly passing out from the pain but also from the lack of blood. Mingyu laid there, feeling weak and vulnerable, ready to die if this is what it meant. He waited for help while thinking away the pain as best as he could. 

On the outside of the door, everyone heard him yell, and all eyes diverted to the nurses rushing in, and one coming out, yelling for someone to bring a gurney over, or just to help him at all.

Wonwoo sat and stared, infuriated that he couldn’t run over and help him. He knew it was Mingyu, and he gripped the armrests of his wheelchair so hard that he nearly popped a vein. All the patients stared at the scene as nurses wobbled Mingyu out the door, and Wonwoo got a horrifying glimpse of his bloodied right side, dripping from his head to his ear to his neck to his gown, repainting the lifeless color. He felt himself being jerked away from the scene, he turned around, trying to get whoever’s hands were on his hair off, he did not want to leave Mingyu alone.

Wonwoo realized it was Yonghwa, and he did everything he could to stop him from taking him away. There was commotion in the area as nurses tried to get the patients away, just as Yonghwa was trying to do, but being greeted with a tough fight. Wonwoo could hear Yonghwa saying his name but he wasn’t listening, he was trying to get back to Mingyu’s side, where he belonged.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo shouted from across the room, Mingyu looked around, confused and hurting, trying to deal with all the doctors helping him. “Mingyu!” Wonwoo yelled louder, and they met eyes, but only briefly, as Yonghwa had exited Wonwoo out of the room.

“Wonwoo.” Yonghwa tried to get him to listen, but all Wonwoo could hear was Mingyu’s voice, and he could swear it was. Wonwoo was panicking, and Yonghwa tried his best to get him under control while they were in the elevator. Wonwoo was breathing heavily, and he kept nervously looking around, as if Mingyu would appear right beside him. They entered the room, and Wonwoo stared at Mingyu’s bed. The sheets were now made all nice and Wonwoo fidgeted more in his chair as Yonghwa turned him to the bed.

“Yonghwa, stop.” Wonwoo ordered. He didn’t and he tried to pry Wonwoo loose from the chair to get him to the bed. “Stop, stop.”

“Work with me here, just get in the bed.” Wonwoo sighed but he needed to know where his friend was. 

Once he was in the bed, he demanded for answers. “Tell me, Yonghwa. What happened, where is he?” Wonwoo was in a panic, and he was working himself up.

“Wonwoo, you need to calm down, your heart rate is going up.”

“Then just tell me where he is!” He was getting angrier by the minute, and Yonghwa remained neutral. He did not say a word, or rather, seem to know anything about the situation, and he was tired of Wonwoo yelling at him like he was the bad guy.

“I don’t know where he is, Wonwoo. I don’t know what happened, we were just told to take everyone out. I need to go now; I have other patients to see.”

Wonwoo tried to grab onto his sleeve but he was slick and fast, and Wonwoo yelled his name as he walked out the door and into the hall. Wonwoo sat gasping, his heart was really racing, but he was scared. He did not want Mingyu to die wherever he was and he was so mad that no one was telling him where his friend was, and if he will survive. He put his head down, and he closed and opened his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing, but not being met with success.

He jolted up when someone came in his room and it was a doctor. He stared at him, demanding for information.

“Wonwoo.” Wonwoo was stiff and anxious. The harsh lights were accentuating the fact that the doctor had news for him, with the darkness of the outside world flowing in through the window. “I can probably assume by the way you are glaring at me what you are pretty concerned about the current state of your roommate here.” Friend, Wonwoo corrected in his head. “He fell down while walking up the stairs and split his stitches open. He was bleeding profusely, not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. He was taken into the ICU and he is going to be in surgery for a while, and will be back in here some time tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Wonwoo was astounded. He would have to sleep the whole night without Mingyu there? Granted, it’s not like they slept in the same bed, but it would feel some empty and desolate without Mingyu in the room. It would feel like before. Wonwoo did not want to go back to that.

“Yes, I’m sorry, but it’s for the best. We want Mingyu to heal well and we are sure you do, too.” Without another word, the doctor stood and exited the room. Wonwoo was left in the silence, and the dark. He felt lost.

Why did this make such a huge impact on him? Mingyu had been there only, what, just about a week, and Wonwoo already felt like it was soul mates. He knew better. He couldn’t help himself, though. You can’t have your cake and eat it.

He laid there in the room, thinking about how much time has already gone by and how much more will pass until he sees Mingyu again. Mingyu was his friend. Why did he have the luxury of meeting someone like him? Mingyu and Wonwoo were opposites, from what Mingyu has told Wonwoo about his personal life. It made no sense to Wonwoo, when he thought about it, that they would ever become friends. That people like them could see the universe in each other’s eyes. It made no sense to him that such a sporty kid, who hung out with such cool people would become such good friends with someone who never said much in class, or was still bad at socializing after he graduated. He was thankful, in the end. He was thankful that Mingyu did stumble along and he was thankful that he is sticking around, and didn’t switch rooms after the first day. He missed Mingyu, even with his asleep form next to him in the room, he missed hearing his breathing. He missed waking up to him already awake and his usual chants of good mornings and such. He missed how perfectly the hat sat on his head to cover his bald spot, and his heart dropped when he realized he would need it a lot more now. 

He was going to see Mingyu again. Fuck it, you can have your cake and eat it.  
\--  
Mingyu, across the hospital, woke up feeling so drained. There were tubes in his nose helping him to circulate air and he felt like his eyes were glued shut. He opened his mouth and gasped, trying to get air in, but it wasn’t working, as the only air he could take in was through his nose, but it wasn’t enough. He threw his head back, hitting a soft material and his mouth was left open. He tried so hard to regulate his breathing because he felt like he needed more and more air, but it wasn’t working and he was panicking.

Someone walked in and grabbed his arms to still him, which he did not know he was moving around until then. 

“Mingyu.” He tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t so he gave up on trying.

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu choked out. He coughed, and coughed more. It felt so good, the breaths back in were amazing and refreshing and Mingyu needed more. “Wonwoo.” All he wanted right now was Wonwoo. He was scared, he didn’t know where he was, he just wanted to be in his own room, or he wanted Wonwoo. Ideally both, but he had to choose one or the other.

“Wonwoo is okay, but how are you?” Mingyu ignored the question, he groaned in pain, it was not his head that was hurting but his throat and lungs now, he needed air. 

“Air…” the doctor moved away and pulled a tube out from his throat that he did not know was down there. The doctor then put a hand on his chest and told him to take a deep, slow breath in, and when he did it felt so good. It felt like nothing was holding him back now, and when he repeated the breathing exercises he was back to normal, and he felt like he could make decent conversation about his physical state.

After a while of ‘It hurts’, and ‘I need water’, Mingyu asked: “What time is it?”

The doctor checked her watch and faced him again. “12:02 AM.” Mingyu just nodded as an answer, and she left him there, in a strange room. He was surrounded by a curtain, similar to the one Wonwoo pulls around his bed, but he still felt like his privacy was being invaded. He did not want to be there, but ultimately, he had no choice. He was being stupid and foolish and he fell down, and it was his own fault. His head was starting to hurt from all of the thinking and worrying, and all he wanted was to talk to Wonwoo.

He closed his eyes and wished so bad that he would wake up in his own bed. That he would wake up with Wonwoo.  
\--  
There was no sunset that night. Wonwoo dozed off listening to the cars outside and the false hope of the reds of tail lights and stop signs. He fell asleep wishing that Mingyu was okay.

Mingyu felt pain. He was restless but at the same time, so tired that he couldn’t move an inch if he tried. He fell asleep to the chatter of other people and the yellow of the nightlights, hoping that Wonwoo was okay.


	6. 6

Once morning rolled around, nothing felt different. Nothing felt back in place, nothing felt the way it should be. Wonwoo concluded his suspicions were true when he rolled his head over and saw no cheerful boy to tell him a cheerful ‘good morning’.

He started to worry. What kind of surgery was Mingyu under? Was he still out? Would he be okay? Wonwoo felt like his own words were suffocating him, and he felt like he was choking on the questions that won’t come up. He did not know what time it was, but that didn’t matter to him at the moment. All he was worrying about was if Mingyu was safe and okay, and if he would survive this.

Wonwoo put his head down again. He tried to control his rapid breathing, and he shut his eyes to block out anything that would cause it to speed up again. With his mind racing, he tried desperately to fall back asleep, he thinks that he did not get much sleep judging by how tired he was.

His mind was off somewhere and his eyes screwed shut when the door opened. He jolted upright, watching as one nurse held the door open while another supported Mingyu over to the bed. He looked pale, and ne never usually does, so Wonwoo was worried. The nurses set him down and gently placed his head against the pillow, making sure to be careful with placement. Mingyu let out a long breath after he was fully settled and the nurse was saying things to him, but he was not paying attention. 

The door shut quietly, and Wonwoo stared for a moment at Mingyu. Mingyu was now here, in the room, with Wonwoo next to him, and he was just laying down. Wonwoo thought Mingyu was not going to make it, as horrible as that sounds, he really was scared of that. He didn’t even look over at Wonwoo, and the latter worried that he as mad at him for not staying with him when he had the accident. He really tried and fought to stay but it was no use. Once he was in his room he could not go back down alone, he could not get off the bed alone. 

Mingyu was breathing quietly, clearly winded from making the journey from the ICU to their shared room. There were bandages around his head, and when he was walking in Wonwoo noticed gauze where the cut in his head was. His fingers were drumming silently on the sheets, meaning to Wonwoo that he was not asleep nor losing consciousness, and that made Wonwoo feel safe. He decided to take a chance. “Mingyu?” He said, barely above a whisper.

Mingyu lifted his head and looked over at Wonwoo. His eyes widened and a smile grew on his lips. “Wonwoo,” He was almost breathless. “I thought you were asleep.”

Wonwoo looked at Mingyu, and his heart erupted with warmth. He was smiling over at Wonwoo like he had seen him for the first time in years, and Wonwoo thought he could look at this forever. “No. I’ve been waiting for you all morning.” Wonwoo just cut the bullshit and decided to say exactly what was on his mind (save for, of course, the fact that the sight of Mingyu leaning over at him made him feel like there was so much youth left to live). “I was worried about you.”

Hearing Wonwoo say that was like Mingyu was getting the guarantee that he would live forever. Wonwoo was actually worried about him, while Mingyu was worried that Wonwoo would be okay once he left. Mingyu struggled to sit up, but gave up once he remembered how sore his arms were, from God knows what. He laughed out loud, sort of an action of relief but at the same time he felt brand new. After terrifying hours of sitting in the ICU waiting to go back to his own room was something he never wants to experience again, and he was happy that Wonwoo was worried about him.

“I was worried about you.” Mingyu stated as he stared at the ceiling, then slowly back down at Wonwoo.

“Me?” Wonwoo sounded confused. “Why on Earth are you worried about me when you were the one who got hurt?”

Mingyu turned to his side carefully. “Because I know that you like my company. I had to be stupid and trust myself with the stairs and I went ahead and got myself hurt and I left you alone. I didn’t want you to be alone.” Wonwoo looked at him with tender eyes. Mingyu felt like he belonged in that gaze forever. 

“I can deal with being alone. It’s you who really should have been the point of concern here. You weren’t stupid, Mingyu, it was only an accident and you are okay now. Hopefully you will heal fast because you are still young, and can do that, and then get to go back to school.”

Mingyu felt sad for a moment. Get to go back to school. Because Wonwoo couldn’t. He shook the thought and smiled at him. “You’re talking like you aren’t young, you are only a year older than me.”

“Yeah, a whole year makes a difference. I did all my firsts before you.” Wonwoo jokingly said in a snarky tone.

“Like what exactly?” Mingyu raised an eyebrow. He was eager to hear this.

“Had my first kiss before you. I was ten.” 

Mingyu stayed quiet for that one. Wonwoo laughed. “Lost my virginity first. Fourteen.”

Mingyu gaped. Wonwoo asked about him, and he answered, “Sixteen.” In a mumble.

Wonwoo smiled at him. “Let’s see… what else… Probably had my license before you. Probably had my first heartbreak before you. The list can go on.” 

“Yeah, but did you win your school’s sports championships before me?” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at him. “Checkmate.” Mingyu joked.

They both laughed in sync, and it was such a beautiful sound, Mingyu thought, and he wished he could listen to Wonwoo laugh as he fell asleep, or listen to his talk, or sing or breathe or anything. Wonwoo stared at Mingyu for a second. Mingyu’s left side was against the pillow, his head back in what looked uncomfortable, but was a nice way to see Wonwoo.

“You make me feel at home, Mingyu.” Mingyu didn’t speak, his heart pounding, waiting for the next words to be spoken. “I’m going to be disappointed when you leave.”

There was that sinking feeling Mingyu was trying to avoid. He knew he was going to have to leave Wonwoo and that thought alone could leave him with nightmares for weeks on end. He wanted to cry every time he remembered that this was not meant to be, and they eventually would need to split paths, and part. “I’ll visit. All the time. I’ll make sure you aren’t lonely.” Wonwoo smiled at him, but the sadness was hard to mask.

“Thank you.”

Mingyu was broken. Now that he knew that Wonwoo was fully aware that Mingyu was going to leave him to live his life, he felt guilty. He really has nothing to be guilty about, his own health should come first, but he can’t help feeling like it doesn’t in this case.

In some deep down pit of feelings in his stomach, there is the little ball of just raw feelings where he knows Wonwoo comes first. He thinks of Wonwoo first whenever anything happens, and he shames himself because he knows he cannot break that habit now. For some odd reason, Wonwoo is always his main priority, whether he wants him to be or not. He doesn’t mind it. He wants to help him as much as he can, while he is still available to.

“If I could, I’d stretch my arm over and hold your hand. You deserve it.” Wonwoo had a joking tone, but Mingyu could sense a deeper meaning. Mingyu wished he could hold his hand, too. Mingyu stretched his hand across the way and reached out for Wonwoo.

“Grab it… Grab it…” Wonwoo laughed lightly at that and made his own effort to throw his hand out, some kind of romance novel shit.

“Tired?” Wonwoo asked him. He probably looked it, and since Mingyu woke from surgery after midnight, he didn’t think he got a whole load of sleep.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I want to sleep.”

“Don’t think? Why not? Sleep is great.”

“Sometimes my dreams are weird. I have them about places with big fish and Pokémon. It’s strange.” Mingyu was aware he was dreaming sometimes, and that freaked him out, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Maybe talking about it would make it better. But he was in no position to talk about it now.

He heard Wonwoo laugh and it made him feel a million times better. “I had a strange dream last night, too. You were there.” Suddenly, Mingyu didn’t want to stop talking about dreams. “We were on a boat. To be honest, I can’t remember much more than that. I just remember you looking really good, maybe you were the captain or something. Maybe we were pirates. Maybe it was some kind of One Piece reproduction.”

Mingyu smiled and made eye contact with Wonwoo. “The live action movie. Was that it?”

Wonwoo nodded, grin stretched out on his features. “Yeah, that was it.”

Mingyu let his head fall back. Deep down, he really had hope that the two would end their lives together one day. Grow old and see sights that he thought was not attainable. Gazing at the pink sky and wondering how they ever got so lucky. Except they weren’t lucky. And it was almost impossible.

Maybe Wonwoo thought the same thing. Maybe the dream of them both being on sea was fake, and maybe Wonwoo’s greatest dream was that they go out together, another time, another day. Wonwoo knew that couldn’t happen and it hurt him just as much as it hurt Mingyu. Wonwoo doesn’t know when he found himself so attached to the younger boy, maybe he thought it was a good way to cope over the loss of his family, or maybe he just needed a figure to show him the affection that Mingyu does. He doesn’t know what it is, but he knows that he likes the attention he is being given all the time.

For Wonwoo though, it isn’t just about the attention. He felt some sort of desolate hole in his chest when Mingyu was taken away for emergency surgery, and he greatly worried that he would not survive, because what are the chances of surviving aa twice in a row brain problem, and internal bleeding? Wonwoo wanted to believe that Mingyu would be okay, far more okay than how Wonwoo will turn out. He prays for that.

When Mingyu thinks about it, he found comfort and solace in the way Wonwoo looked at him. Like he always said, and like Wonwoo said before, he feels at home. What is home to Mingyu? Comfort. Relaxation. Happiness. Did Mingyu feel all of that when Wonwoo looked at him? Yes, he did. He liked the way his heart leapt when Wonwoo smiled at him. He could see so much more behind the gaze he gave him most of the time. He could see how Wonwoo actually had some kind of hope in Mingyu, even though it should be Mingyu needed to have hope in Wonwoo. Either way, Mingyu tried his best to embrace every moment that they both had, because the gut feeling he had told him it was going to come to a close soon.

He shut his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing for a few minutes. He wanted to try and calm his racing heart, and Wonwoo had the same intentions, but had no means of tearing his eyes away from Mingyu. Wonwoo enjoyed the way that Mingyu tried to recover from certain, smaller things, like being breathless, or rendered speechless. Wonwoo noted how he always took big breaths and tried to repeat the action a few times over, and he thought he should try and do it himself. Maybe it just worked that well.

Wonwoo took a breather too, he laid back and looked up at the ceiling, eyes eventually drooping to the window. “Do you think there will be a sunset tonight?”

Mingyu opened his eyes and turned in that direction, He nodded, then verbally answered. “Yeah, probably. Did you want to go watch it, on the roof again?”

He saw Wonwoo nod, and Wonwoo didn’t bother to give an audible answer either, since he knew Mingyu was looking at him.

“It’s a while away though. Do you want to go get food? See if Jihoon is down there?”

Wonwoo hasn’t usually offered to go down, its either the nurses or Mingyu.

“Sure. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to people to kill time.”

Both went down and chatted with Jihoon, and its new every time with that one. Mingyu swears he has never met a more rambunctious person, in the least physical way possible. Mingyu noticed he was constantly all over the place with his conversation and he could stick to one topic for maybe a good four minutes. Wonwoo wasn’t like that. He could talk about one topic for hours if he wanted to.

Although he was jumping from place to place and Mingyu could barely keep up to speed, he enjoyed the talked that they had and the stupid things they chatted about. Mingyu was sure he would miss him when he left, and he found that to be true when Jihoon brought up his next topic.

“I get discharged tomorrow.” He said it so blunt, almost like he was throwing out there and delaying it no longer. 

“You do?” Mingyu tried his hardest not to sound dejected but he couldn’t help it.

“Yeah. It’s been three long weeks and I kind of want to get my ass out of here already, but people like you are making it hard for me.”

Mingyu felt a slight bit better upon knowing that Jihoon would feel the same way that Mingyu does, but he does not want to see Jihoon go. Though he would put up much more of a fight if it were Wonwoo, he saw Jihoon as a friend, and he would miss him as well. He hoped Jihoon would find a way to stay in touch one he left as well, because for the time being, Mingyu was focused on Wonwoo.  
\--  
Much later in the day, the sky dragged on with white clouds of empty promises of rain the day before. The sun seemed to be tired of glowing and went to sleep on the other side of the bed while Mingyu was looking at Wonwoo with such adoration that it would set the world on fire, and have it be a sun of its own.

On the way to the roof, Mingyu looked down at Wonwoo and felt such a burn in his chest, and he felt so eager just to put it out, or let it spread. He couldn’t tell the difference between his own emotions, and he wished life would be simpler, sticking to the main emotions of happy, sad, and mad. But unfortunately, Mingyu was feeling everything in between.

Mingyu felt the crisp air of the afternoon turned night on his skin, and he liked the feeling it gave him, almost of being free, but Mingyu did not want that at the moment.

He took a seat where they both did last time, and before the clouds started getting dipped in paint, he felt Wonwoo put his head on his shoulder. Mingyu felt the cage of butterflies erupt in his stomach and could feel them crawling up his throat. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened his mouth to speak, but no words were presented with ease. He could find none to say at the top of his mind, so he closed his mouth, and instead looked down at the head of the boy on his shoulder. 

He lowered his face so his lips were being tickled by the ends of his dark hair, but he did nothing further than that. He let go soft breaths that were caressed between the strands of hair and when Wonwoo shifted, his lips were met with the hard scalp, not forcefully, but gently (and Wonwoo had done that on purpose).

Mingyu turned his head back to the horizon, watching as the ridges of the sky scrapers protruded into the skyline, creating an uneven stair case of black against the quickly pinkening sky. Mingyu could hear Wonwoo sigh contently when the sun dipped below the black edges of the buildings and the clouds were framed in a magnificent purple and pink. The contrasting sky was lit up with orange and pink and yellow, and Mingyu found his own body warm at the sight.

Mingyu smiled just at the thought of doing something with Wonwoo that the other boy loves. He knows how much he loves watching the sunset, and he felt so nice just sitting there… just existing while Wonwoo did.

Wonwoo reached his hand over and placed it on Mingyu’s thigh, without looking down Mingyu placed his own hand over top and squeezed gently. Just that small action felt so right in Mingyu’s mind. It felt like something that should be a constant part of his life, and that one small piece of Mingyu was still angry that they both met in such a situation.

The clouds were dripping in pink and Mingyu could honestly say he has never seen anything prettier. The only thing running through his mind at the moment was how soft Wonwoo’s hand felt, and he realized he had never touched Wonwoo like this before today. He played with each of his finger subtly, but liked how right it all felt. 

“I feel like there is so many unanswered questions, that you have.” Wonwoo broke the serene silence. “I feel like I need to let you know more about me.”

Mingyu looked at him, and he lifted off of Mingyu’s shoulder to look at him now. Mingyu couldn’t help but stare, and notice how right he looked in the orange light. “Only if you feel you need to.” Wonwoo looked away slowly. He nodded.

“I don’t want to leave you with a feeling that you know nothing about me.” Mingyu was saddened a little by that comment, but he did not action to stop listening to Wonwoo anyway. “All I told you was that I lost my family in a car wreck, and that I ended up not being able to walk. I feel like that was a bad way to introduce myself after my introduction.”

“How so?” Mingyu asked softly, careful not to interrupt what he was saying.

“I didn’t tell you about my life. About my life before this.” Wonwoo looked at him. There were no tears forming this time, he had a grieve look but Mingyu felt grateful that he was ready to share this with him.

“I went to a small high school, only about 1,000 kids. Seems big, but it really wasn’t. I had a couple of friends, and my best friend was called Jun. He came from China a while back, and we have been friends since middle school. We grew up and went to high school together, and we did almost everything together.

“We had plans to move out, and we were going to run our own business, and it was almost like kids in a movie planning out their whole life before them. It was almost crazy. Everyone knew us as the best friends, joined at the hip, you know. It really was some of the best years of my life.” Wonwoo laughed shortly. “I don’t mean for this to take a sad turn again, but I think you should know this.

“I want you to know that I have moved on from this now, and I sit in a more comfortable position of my life because I have found closure over the past months.” Wonwoo took a deep breath, and did his best to repress his sadness. “Two years ago, Junhui died. Saying this out loud feels like some sort of relief for me, I’ve been buckled down to my grief for months on end, I found closure in nothing but my thoughts. It feels so good to say it. Junhui died, but I moved on.

“I don’t want this to sound mean. I’m not saying I don’t care about Junhui, I care about him so much and it hurts every day, but I really moved on. I understand now that he is gone and that I need to keep going.

“He overdosed on drugs at a party one night. I wasn’t there, and that was what was acting as restraints on me. I was chained down for months because of my guilt, that I couldn’t stop him and it was so horrible. I wasn’t there to say goodbye to him. I still regret that. But if he is still watching me live my life, I know he isn’t angry. He couldn’t be angry.”

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo. He was talking with so much passion, and he felt sad that he felt like this, and Mingyu didn’t know how to help him.

“It sounds like I was in love with him. Platonically, I was. He was my best friend. We did everything together. It felt like a piece of me was missing for a long time. I didn’t get closure until someone told me that he was talking about me, before he died. It was said as a joke, but it turned so serious after it happened. Someone said to me- I don’t remember anymore who it was- someone said that Junhui had said ‘If I die, tell Wonwoo I love him’. He was laughing and having a good time with his friends but he really did die. It was a nightmare for everyone. Only then did I find peace in my inner war.

“He really shaped me. He was there for a lot. I miss him every day, but I don’t mourn anymore. I think that’s a big step in my life.” Wonwoo was quiet, Mingyu took the opportunity to speak.

“It is. I’m proud of you.” Mingyu met him only shy of a week and half ago, but he really was proud of him. Wonwoo lost his best friend and now his family. Mingyu couldn’t imagine how it felt, he didn’t want to, so for now, he just held Wonwoo’s hand tighter like it was going to make a difference.

Wonwoo smiled gently. “Thank you. This is probably hard for you to hear, but I wanted you to know. Know about my life before this. I guess that means college, too. I hadn’t decided on a major, I still haven’t. Don’t know if I will ever. Wherever the wind blows me, I suppose.”

Mingyu kept his eyes strained on Wonwoo. He was facing the few last glorious moments of the setting sun, and his features were so defined, in a beautiful yet sophisticated way that something growled inside Mingyu, and half of his brain told him to capture his mouth, and make him his. 

Of course, the logical half won, and Mingyu settled with biting his lip and rubbing Wonwoo’s fingers to settle his crazy mind for now. The sun had settled into the crook of the harsh black lines of the lavish buildings, and darkness was quickly approaching. They looked at each other once more. Wonwoo looked grateful for Mingyu, for listening to him. He felt so much lighter now that someone was there to listen to him. Mingyu didn’t object him or say that anything was wrong with him. Wonwoo was so overwhelmed with feelings, that he started to cry again. He wasn’t crying because he was sad, he wasn’t crying because he was depressed.

“Why are you crying?” Mingyu tilted his head to get a better look at Wonwoo, who probably looked a little crazy because now he was smiling while tears ran down his cheeks.

“I’m just glad I have you.” Mingyu’s heart exploded, he could swear by it. He got close to Wonwoo and pulled him closer for a hug, as close as they could manage with the separation of the handle bars of the wheel chair. Wonwoo wrapped his arms underneath Mingyu, and he felt so safe and secure in Mingyu’s arms, wrapping around his upper body. Mingyu’s face was buried in Wonwoo’s neck, taking in the warmth of the skin. He lifted his head so he could speak.

“Always.”

Wonwoo fell back on Mingyu’s shoulder, doing nothing to control his tears. Mingyu smiled and slowly pulled away, wiping Wonwoo’s tears with the pads of his thumbs and they turned back to the sky, the navy blue coating the blanket above them now.

“You’re right.” Mingyu said suddenly. “I do feel immortal.”

He turned with a big smile to Wonwoo, who returned to gesture, and if it weren’t for the nurses walking behind them to take them back to their room, he almost could have believed it was true.


	7. 7

There were a lot of things in Mingyu’s daily schedule at the hospital that reminded him of his life back home. Every morning when he woke up naturally due to the sunlight, he was reminded how he would wake up at nearly the crack of dawn to head to school. How he would have to actually drag himself out of bed because his conscious wanted him to so badly go back to sleep and stay in the warmth of the bed. There were so many days when Mingyu wished he could do that. Everything up until he actually arrived at school was bad, honestly, but with Mingyu’s spirit he never let it bother him. He knew it would go away.

The exhausted feeling he had after every time he had to conquer the long hallway was the same way he felt after a game that gave him such satisfaction of being who he was. That sort of, ‘Damn, I did this’. The amazing feeling that encompassed him after the win of the century, the team hug and the laughter under the bright lights used to shine the field in the dead dark night.

The numbness of lying in bed, doing nothing all day made him think of the times that all of his school work was done on a weekend yet no plans were being made. It made him think of the lazy days after team sleepovers where none of them wanted to move, but they sat around. All in all, Mingyu just thinks he wants to head home. 

But he really doesn’t. Because, well, the answer should be obvious by now.

Mingyu shivered, the weather was a bit colder today, and he was a little disappointed, but it’s not like he had anything better to do today. His body relaxed further into the mattress, his eyes wanted him to go back to sleep but his mind was wandering. It was slightly frustrating as he had nothing to think about. No conversation to make with the boy who seemingly was still asleep, and he had no visitors. 

His parents had co0me by quickly after he had had emergency surgery for his fall, and they were disappointed that he managed to score himself more time in the hospital, but left shortly after, Mingyu feeling very relieved.

He turned his head towards Wonwoo’s cot, a sadness pooling in his gut when he saw his head still turned toward the window, the odd position that he sleeps in, and his chest falling slowly, indication that he was indeed still sleeping. He furrowed his brows. It was weird that Wonwoo was still sleeping on a day like this. The sun was bright, yet it didn’t seem to wake him. The nurses were in good moods and one or two came into the room, yet he did not move at the sound. Mingyu’s glare encased his whole being, yet the look did not arouse him.

Mingyu chewed his lip and decided just to wait it out, focusing on the nurses and doctors and patients and visitors scamper about in the hallway. A piece of him dreamed for the day that he could resume this life again.

A nurse walked in and nodded at Mingyu as greeting, he smiled tiredly back. A feature he hated about himself- no matter how awake he tried to be, it always failed, and he looked like he just rolled out of bed. Quite literally, in this one case.

She made her way to Wonwoo, who was not up yet, and she shook his shoulder gently in a manner of wanting to wake the boy. He coughed once, twice, and groaned as he tried to roll over. Mingyu watched as she put a hand to his chest to sign to him that he does not need to move, and she drew a thermometer and pressed it against his forehead. She didn’t seem happy nor discouraged at the results, instead remained neutral. She took to the act of shifting Wonwoo, fixing his pillows so that he lay facing the ceiling, he breathed heavily while doing so. He did not bother to look at Mingyu.

The nurse started speaking softly to Wonwoo, her voice so low that Mingyu sort of had to strain to hear, but he managed to understand. Wonwoo turned his head as much as he could muster up the energy for. 

“Wonwoo, your temperature-”

At this god forsaken moment, a doctor walked in. Her head held high and a clipboard which very cliché things written on it tucked under her arm, and she stalked over to Mingyu’s side of the bed. When the nurse noticed the other guest, she moved around and slid Wonwoo’s curtain shut. Mingyu internally screamed.

“Mingyu.” She smiled at him. Mingyu half-assed a smile back. He appreciated the gesture, and he assumed she stayed like that for most patients, so as to not bring their spirits down. “I have good news for you.” Mingyu’s heart leapt for unknown reasons. “Because you healed quickly during your first hemorrhage surgery, and you are showing a lot of progress down that road in terms of your second one, you will be discharged in no more than four to five days.” She seemed ecstatic to tell Mingyu this news, and for a moment, Mingyu, too, was ecstatic as well. He drew a larger smile this time.

“That’s good.” He replied back. “Can I know when I can start doing things that I used to?” Mingyu implied sports, but he was almost afraid the doctor thought he meant smoking. He decided he wasn’t going back down that road.

She removed the clipboard, gave the papers a flip, and returned her gaze to him. “Physical activity should be held off for at least a month. Over exertion isn’t very good for your condition, but most activities you will be able to carry on like you did in your life before this happened.” Mingyu remained neutral in the face, and he watched the nurse conversing with Wonwoo leave the room. He nodded, after she told him that he would hear more about what he shouldn’t do when he gets discharged, and she left the room as abruptly as she came.

For a moment, the sole thing running through Mingyu’s mind was that soon enough he could take on his daily life again with no struggle, that is, physically. The mental struggle of pulling away from what tied him to the ground here, well, that was a challenge in itself.

He turned his head towards Wonwoo, who remained in his previous position, most likely awake now. He was shaking as if he were cold, and Mingyu felt bad that he had nothing to give to him or to make sure he stayed warm. He watched helplessly as he just laid there, his eyes cold but his arms shaking with shivers, then as a nurse came in, placed a blanket over his body and his arms, and his shivers slowly died down. Mingyu thought that is he was awake he might want to take his chances and talk to him (to save himself from rotting away by boredom).

“Wonwoo?” he started softly, but he was afraid that no one heard it that time. “Wonwoo,” He tried again, and this time Wonwoo moved his head over slowly, making eye contact with Mingyu. His face was paler than usual and his eyes drooped down. Mingyu had a growing feeling of pain, mixed with another unrecognizable and unnamable feeling.

Wonwoo hummed in response, showing Mingyu he was really too tired or worn out to speak properly. At least he made an effort. 

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo just started back for a minute, thinking about how to answer the question. The thing was, Wonwoo felt very sick, almost to the point where he did not want to even breathe because it made him dizzy, but he knew just ignoring the question would be rude, and would hurt Mingyu.

“Fever.” He answered softly. Mingyu nodded in understanding, and also a bit of sadness because this meant Wonwoo would not want to do anything today. Just by the looks of it, Wonwoo couldn’t open his eyes for more than four minutes, even if he wanted to. “I’m sorry. I don’t feel up to anything right now.” Mingyu shook his head.

“It’s okay. Don’t be sorry, just rest.”

Mingyu was slightly bummed, he hated to admit, but he did not want Wonwoo to stress over thinking that it was his own fault that he came down with a fever. He liked that he and Wonwoo could sit for hours, talking about everything and nothing. He liked how they were just those friends that found comfort and enjoyment in sitting around, something that seemed so boring, but he liked it with Wonwoo. Mingyu couldn’t do that today, so immediately he tried to think of something that could pass his time.

He took a deep breath in and put his head back against his mattress. He no longer had bandages on his head, but he was still very bald, and he hated that hair just grew so slow. He could optionally waste his day away by sitting and staring at the ceiling, but he didn’t think he could conquer more than three seconds of that. Walking around wasn’t an option. Jihoon was no longer there, neither was Hansol, Mingyu realized. He got a little sad thinking that the short friend he had made was not there to keep him company any longer.

Closing his eyes, he realized he really wanted to fall back asleep, the logical side of his desperately tried to persuade him not to, as he knew he would wake up at midnight if he slept now. His eyes felt as if weights so heavy were placed on him and he really did not want to wake up at midnight, that was the last thing he wanted, but he couldn’t resist the urge to close them.

Relaxing, he called it. He did not fall asleep. He simply relaxed.

A soft knock was heard on the door, jerking Mingyu awake from his ‘relaxation’ period, and his doctor walked in and made her way to Mingyu.

“A request was made by some friends of yours that they take you out for a day. I should say no, considering that your surgery was not that long ago, but considering the way you are healing, the signs of improvement are getting greater and greater each day. It is simply up to you if you would like to go out for a few hours.”

Mingyu could feel the angels singing above him, it was everything he needed in this dreary day, and he swore by that. He looked back up at the doctor to ask which friends were requesting him. He thought maybe it could have been Seungcheol, but he only roomed with Seungcheol, and no one else, so he didn’t see who else could have been there. Before he could throw more names in his head around she replied with his two best friends, and he agreed in a heartbeat. Mingyu missed the sickly smile that Wonwoo gave in response to his happiness.

Getting dressed was a challenge, but Mingyu never said no too one of those, and he conquered it like a champ, or at least, that is what he wants to think about it. Wobbling down to the lobby was the most anticipating, he was anxious the whole way down, and he got a rush of freedom, the sense he figured he would feel when he was finally discharged.

He saw Minghao and Yeonghee standing impatiently as he emerged from the elevator, their faces lit up at their friend who was up and walking, and ready for a day.

“Where are we going today, crew?” He asked as he carefully slid into the passenger seat (given up by Yeonghee who willingly decided to ride bitch in the back seat).

“Well, there were a few things that were brainstormed on the way here. A few had to be scratched because, well, you can’t do anything besides eat, breathe and walk. So, I think,” Minghao paused to nod affirmative to Yeonghee in the backseat through the rearview mirror. “On the table right now, there is see a movie, there were a few good selections. Go to that big aquarium that I know you like downtown, suggested by Yeonghee.” Yeonghee did a thumbs up for approval. “And uh… I don’t know. What else was there?”

“I think go to that seafood restaurant on the water was one.” Yeonghee piped up. Mingyu moaned.

“Please, oh my God, please. It has been forever. Let’s go Minghao, let’s go!” Mingyu whined like a little kid, but he couldn’t help that he was so eager to visit a place he loved to eat at that he hadn’t been to since he was little.

“Jesus, shut up. We will go, okay? You better eat so much you can’t speak later. Three minutes into this and I’m already tired of your voice.” Minghao faked disgust, Mingyu scoffed at him, and Yeonghee laughed to herself in the backseat.

“Yeah, yeah, we are going down by the harbor, the most magical place in the whole country.” Mingyu faked a northerner accent, and Minghao played along.

“Goddamnit I love when you talk like that to me, we’re gonna go down there and act like goddamn lovers, me and you. God, I love you.” Mingyu nearly spit in his face, but he laughed after anyways. The thing he loved the most about Minghao: his seemingly perfect New Yorkers accent and the way he acted along with it. Almost like he actually lived there.

“Yeah, sure thing. Drive idiot.”

Mingyu felt an odd sense of nostalgia, sitting in the passenger’s seat of Minghao’s dad’s old car, the way it used to be before college, and Mingyu loved every second of it. He loved how they sang along to the song that played on the current hits radio, and he loved how he could feel his weak legs almost going numb but he kind of didn’t mind it.

He found himself so content with the way things were in that moment. He was content with the way Minghao’s rusty voice tried to match every falsetto and every guitar riff of the thing, and he liked the way Yeonghee’s laugher sailed in one ear and out the other. The insults being tossed around weren’t out of spite, and none of them were mad. It was friendly banter, and what’s more than that? That’s what friends are for.

Mingyu could have cried if he thought hard enough that this might be the only time he can do this. He grew sad when he remembered that he would have to return to the hospital, and he would have to return to his family’s home and return to his own college. 

He wished it were high school again. The seemingly endless youth stretched out far before them on the gleaming horizon set an uncertain feeling of the future, yet none of them hated it. The way that they could pass off being stupid as them enjoying their teen years. Mingyu was nineteen now. Next year would be the last time he could say he was nineteen. A teenager. He looked over at his friend. How his hair was pushed back violently with the wind that came in through the opened window. He saw Yeonghee through the mirror, and watched as her eyes flitted opened as closed, feeling the breeze of the wind cool her warm skin. Any guy would be blessed to have her, Mingyu thought. He turned back to the road, into the night where the memories yet to be made waited for them.  
\--  
Maybe it was the hype of the night, or maybe it was just him being sick of the place, but Mingyu could have cried when he came back to the hospital.

He was suddenly reminded of everything that was wrong with him and everything that isn’t fixed yet. He was suddenly reminded that he wasn’t better at all, and that he would have to sit alone for the rest of the night, assuming Wonwoo hasn’t been blessed by a miracle and cured in only a few hours. Walking back in front of the room and looking through the windows, he proved his stupid theory false, and Wonwoo was indeed still lying in his bed, fever-ridden. A doctor was stood next to Wonwoo, and Wonwoo seemed saddened by whatever he was being told. They both turned at the rude interruption of the door, and the doctor left promptly.

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo croaked. Mingyu had started to settle in, and get ready to sleep (it was not even that late, Mingyu had stayed out far later than he thought he could, or maybe it was just him losing track of time) and he turned his head to meet Wonwoo. He was facing the ceiling. “Tell me about your day.”

Mingyu felt heat rush into all of his corners at the proposal. Wonwoo actually wanted to listen to him talk about his day? Here Mingyu was, lying in bed, ready to fall asleep, not even bothering to walk to Wonwoo, and Wonwoo wants to listen?

A few things went through his head at this. One was that Wonwoo wanted to relax and listen to Mingyu talk, and Mingyu was very flattered by that, and the second was he was being rude, and Wonwoo did not want to sit in grave silence. To save himself from guilt, he persuaded himself that it was the first option.

When Wonwoo received no answer, he kept talking. “I am tired, but I can’t fall asleep. I want you to talk so I have something nice to listen to.”

Nice? Wow, Mingyu thinks, now he thinks his voice is nice. Mingyu stays quiet for another moment, cursing himself at the bad move and he decided to finally open his mouth and start talking.

Wonwoo hadn’t realize before what kind of a feeling Mingyu’s voice brought to him. It was soothing, yet it had the edge of spontaneity in there. Listening to him talk to greatly about his friends and the time he had, it made Wonwoo really see how well Mingyu sees the world. Wonwoo listened carefully, like he is trying to depict every syllable and every letter he is saying, like he is analyzing an ancient artifact. He didn’t mind the way his voice was a little scratchy, after probably all the laughter and talking he did tonight, in fact, he really enjoyed that the most. He feels a little selfish now, that Mingyu had done so much and was probably just as tired as he was, yet he wanted him to speak. He pushed that thought aside and replaced it with a new one. He is trying to enjoy Mingyu talking for as long as his short time will allow him.

“Wonwoo?” Mingyu whispered. He tried to keep his voice down, so not to disturb Wonwoo in case he had fallen asleep on him.

“Hm?” Wonwoo hummed in reply.

“Will you be better tomorrow; do you think?”

Wonwoo thought about it. He did not want to let Mingyu down, and he knew that Mingyu liked spending time with Wonwoo as much as he did with him. He nodded.

“We can try.” 

Mingyu was silent for a moment. “if not, there is always the next day.”

Wonwoo nodded to himself. He really wanted to believe there always will be a next day.


	8. 8

Wonwoo had been healing well in the days that Mingyu had been there. He stayed in and kept Wonwoo company, and he didn’t mind much because every day Wonwoo got progressively better and made Mingyu not feel like he was being ignored when he talked. Wonwoo smiled more each day, and that was what glued Mingyu back down. How could he leave when Wonwoo just needed someone to talk to?

Mingyu started worrying about how Wonwoo will be after he leaves more often than he should. Maybe it is mostly because he is on his way out, maybe it is because he has grown fond of Wonwoo and his words also made Mingyu warm. He only had a slim amount of days left in the hospital, and the thought of him being able to walk out the doors home free was liberating, but like always, he was burdened by the thought that he would be leaving Wonwoo in a few days’ tops. Mingyu reveled in the thoughts of how Wonwoo would react to him not there, and it almost made Mingyu want to engage in another accident so he would have to stay even longer.

More often than not, and though it was not healthy, Mingyu thought of how Wonwoo would be when he left. Would he return to his original state of quietness and mystery? Would he refuse any offer of a new roommate at all? Would he wait up for Mingyu to come back and see him? The questions poured out endlessly and it made him shrink up inside at the thought of there being no one to comfort Wonwoo in the times he really needs it.

Thinking into the topic further, because this always goes great, Mingyu realizes he was never told how long it would be until Wonwoo was discharged as well as himself. Was Wonwoo keeping the information to himself on purpose? Did he not want to let Mingyu down, maybe knowing the discharge news was farther away than Mingyu hoped? Maybe Wonwoo never actually wanted to lead him on and wanted to just leave him in the dark? Maybe-

Stop Mingyu, he commanded to himself. He knew sitting inside these thoughts was not the greatest thing to do for his own mental health, and though Wonwoo’s company was something that came around once in a lifetime, he just could not stop the feeling of sadness creeping into his skin at every chance it got.

“Mingyu.” Mingyu whipped his head around, realizing Wonwoo had been talking to him. “Are you listening? I’m telling you the story of the time I had to reenact my favorite scene of my favorite play, and it went horrible and embarrassing and you aren’t even listening!” He acted hurt, but Mingyu saw right through his cover.

“Sorry. Too caught up thinking about how it all goes down.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes and continued on. Something about him tripping onstage during the play and giving himself a nosebleed, which was funny, but Mingyu could feel the second hand embarrassment.

“Hey Wonwoo.” Mingyu cut through the silence of the finished story suddenly. He heard Wonwoo made a noise as a response, Mingyu laughed at him but continued. “What is your favorite food?”

Wonwoo remained quiet for a few more moments. This was a tough question to him apparently. Mingyu could relate, though. “Don’t know.” He said eventually. “I’d have to go two routes. One fancy and one casual.”

“How can you separate food by fancy and casual? How is that possible?” Mingyu laughed at his statement and he head Wonwoo laugh along with him, but he didn’t revoke what he said.

“Think about it like this. 5-10-dollar meal versus 20-to whatever dollar meal, okay? If I had to choose from the casual picks, obviously the low paid ones, it would probably either pizza, love that stuff, or good burger. You know? The good ones.” Wonwoo looked to Mingyu for approval who just laughed and told him to continue. “Then the fancy, which isn’t what I eat often, clearly, but it would be honestly a good salmon, maybe even steak.”

“God, Wonwoo. I really hate that I honestly can’t argue with your logic right now.” 

Wonwoo triumphantly let out a ‘ha!’ and Mingyu stuck his tongue out, arguable the most childish thing he has done to date, but he can’t find an ounce of regret in himself for it. 

“What about you?” Wonwoo reverted the question back to the asker.

“Hmm… Even if I had a lot of time to think I don’t think I could answer that. I love anything and everything.” 

Wonwoo clicked his tongue at him. “So you can’t single out one food you would eat for the rest of your life? Whenever you wanted it?” Mingyu shook his head.

“Absolutely not.” Wonwoo laughed, and Mingyu turned his head in time to see the magic unfold. With Wonwoo staring at the ceiling, a smile on his face and the light hitting his skin giving him highlights in the perfect spots, Mingyu could not have been happier. If he had any disease, and technically, he was physically ill, he would have been cured. Why did he feel so light whenever Wonwoo looked at him like he was a reincarnation of an angel? Forget Mingyu being the angel, it was Wonwoo. Totally, completely, one hundred percent angel Wonwoo. He felt like he was in a movie scene, where a track would be playing that was upbeat but not loud and in your face, something that settled the relaxed mood. If they were both waking up to the soft sunlight and Wonwoo’s hair was everywhere and Mingyu was staring and the sunlight and- It was overwhelming. He felt content. He wished for nothing more in that moment than just the single sentence of hope that this could happen another time in another place.

“Weirdo.” Wonwoo had spoken after Mingyu came out of his daydream. “Who doesn’t have a favorite food?”

Mingyu spoke breathlessly, like every time he heard Wonwoo speak it was the first time all over again. “I have a whole lot of other favorites; I can assure you that.”  
\--  
The night was young and Wonwoo and Mingyu were sitting side by side on Wonwoo’s bed. They were facing the big window, looking out and anticipating the coming sunset since the nurses informed then it was too old to go outside and watch, to both of their despair. Mingyu was sat to Wonwoo’s right and had his arm behind Wonwoo, supporting him and the other who had a hard time doing it on his own. They were laughing about some things that others would find strange but they found solace in doing it with themselves.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that while you were rollerblading,”

“Yep.” Mingyu interrupted while laughing.

“You pulled Minghao’s pants down,” Wonwoo was stuttering over his own giggles as well. Mingyu nodded while laughing hysterically. “In front of like, one hundred people.”

“Yes, I did, and like I said,” Mingyu paused to take in air from his laughing, “It was revenge. He embarrassed me at the park so it was only fair I did it to him too!”

Wonwoo was sharing the same guttural laughs as Mingyu was, and this could possibly have been categorized as one of the best moments of his time being here, Mingyu thought. Wonwoo had this tendency to make Mingyu feel this sort of, mushy, for lack of better words, on the inside. Being around him in the first place made him feel so light and he always had this smile on his face. Both of them, to be honest.

When Wonwoo relaxed his neck and placed his head on the taller one’s shoulder, Mingyu leaned into it like a couple would do if they had been together and were just basking in the pure feeling of being with each other. Maybe it was like that for them. Maybe there was some unspoken boundary that separated them like that and though they physically acted like it, they never really did act upon the issue. Or it could also have been that they were just comfortable, and just needed a friend. Mingyu felt like Wonwoo needed someone, his best friend was no longer around and neither was his family, and Mingyu had this urge inside of him to be that person. To be that person that can help Wonwoo no matter how hard he tried and no matter what he did. For some reason, for some, small, unspoken reason, Mingyu had put Wonwoo first in his stay at the hospital.

They stared out the window and out to the city below with nothing but the technical equipment and their breathing and the occasional passerby behind them in the corridor breaking the silence. They watched the cars that went by, their tail lights getting brighter as the sky set into darkness. They had a perfect view from the window, but being outside was always better. Right below the softening blue sky, was the harsh reality of the concrete towers that stood next to them, and marred the perfect paint-like look of the sky and the oncoming sunset. Mingyu sat and anticipated that beauty.

“You are so lucky to have gotten a room with this large of a window. Actually, maybe all the rooms look like this.” He heard Wonwoo laugh as a response to his statement. He shook his head.

“Not all of them, but some. Maybe you were the lucky one to have gotten this room with me.”

Mingyu had honestly never experienced a verbal blockage, but now he could say- if he could speak at all- he had now. That statement put him into a shock. What could Wonwoo mean by that? Did Wonwoo feel lucky that he got the chance to meet Mingyu as well? Did he enjoy his time being with him and maybe saying this because he knew Mingyu was leaving? He was rendered speechless. He wanted to say something back but the words just formed a clot in his throat and the only thing small enough to pass by was simply the air. Mingyu was lucky. He was lucky to have met someone who struggled, but survived. 

“Maybe.” Was all he could get out by the time the sun had started to go down.

It was a little different tonight. Instead of warm colors, the cool ones of purple and blue, and some pink took over, and it was marvelous. The pink nestled in the corner where the sun had just met with the horizon and the purple was blanketing the pink, the soft blue, deepening quickly was at the top, and it all looked perfect together.

“These colors remind me of you, Mingyu.” Wonwoo spoke, still focused on the display.  
Mingyu wanted to look at him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes down. He moved his head instead, eyes glued to the sky. “How so?” He spoke softly, his heart beat fast at the words and the upcoming response.

“You seem so cool. Your life at home seems like a teenage boy’s dream compared to mine. Maybe it’s kind of like we are these colors. I am the pink and you are the blue. My life at home was soft, family oriented, and I focused a lot on the inside of my head. I focused too much on what people thought of me. I regret that. Pink reminds me of embarrassing myself at school.” He laughed softly.

“But you, the blue. It’s a strong color and you are strong, Mingyu. Physically, mentally as well. From the story experience you seem to have loved the spotlight during your sport games, and it really would have been so great to see the triumph on your face after achieving something that was obviously very wanted. I think of blue. Do you?” Mingyu nodded, oddly feeling the blue in his words.

“Purple is where we are now. Two people like us weren’t meant to cross paths, but fate has a lot of crazy things set ahead for you. If what happened to us didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be here. People like us… they don’t associate with each other; from what I have experienced. People like us don’t seem fit. I don’t know if you think that, but I think that maybe purple is just a color for people who aren’t colorblind.” He let out a breathy laugh. “For people who are willing to look for the good in others.

“I think we fit. Polar opposites but we are the same inside. I still think vast things when I look out at the sky, and hopefully you do too.” 

“I do.” Mingyu agreed with him. The colors were getting more vibrant, right before their end.

“Maybe purple is what we are supposed to be. But it can’t last.” He turned his head inward, causing his nose to hit Mingyu’s throat. Mingyu moved his head upward a bit to make room. “When we touch each other, the conversion of the pink and the blue make such a beautiful color that it’s like the only thing we are focusing on. Like we forget ourselves and live in each other. It’s beautiful.”

Mingyu was silent, but only because he was awe struck. How could someone come up with such stunning words? Such words that could touch his heart in such a way?

“I wish that we weren’t where we are now, Mingyu. I wish we could have had another chance. I wish we could have had a different fate together.” Wonwoo was straining his voice, the sadness peeking through. “I wish we could prevent what ever happened to us, and find each other, in a different time, a different place. I wish we didn’t have such a limited time together.” He paused, Mingyu felt his shake slightly, and Wonwoo tried to quiet the tears he couldn’t stop from flowing over. “I wish we could have the chance to redo it all.”

“What are you saying?” Mingyu couldn’t stop himself from, interrupting, but his heart was going at a million miles and he needed to calm it down, somehow.

“I’m saying that if there were a higher power that could take us back in time and have had us do something that could switch our fate of where we are now, I would have taken that chance. I would have taken it and I would have found you. I would have wanted you to not be in this position with me, in my condition.

“I feel safe when you are here Mingyu. I said it so much already but I mean it. If I could have done anything to prevent myself being in such an immobile position, I would have done it. I don’t want to have to leave you alone, I don’t want to leave you.”

Mingyu looked at him this time, the colors were starting to fade in to the background, and he had seen more beautiful, anyway. “But I am the one leaving you.” He tried to retaliate.

Wonwoo didn’t say much more for a few minutes, and he let the silence pass along with the fading mirage in the sky. He spoke then, when the navy blue was setting in, matching the colors of the buildings that had started to shine with yellow lights through translucent curtains. “I like you, Mingyu. I’m not saying that because I have had to deal with you, or something. I’m saying that because for the mere two and maybe half of a week you were here, I’ve grown on to you. Something about you makes me feel secure and I can’t say I have experienced that in anyone before. There’s something about you that makes me wish we could have had a new life together. It’s because I like you. A lot.”

Mingyu stayed silent. So, Wonwoo did like him. But that way that Mingyu liked Wonwoo? “Do you like me the way I like you, Wonwoo?” His whisper nestled between them, non-moving from their spot on the bed.

“If the way you like me is wishing that we hadn’t met in an unfortunate time and could restart, and could be together where nothing was endless, then yes. If the way you like me is just wishing that we could have each other without worrying about consequences because we are so limited with time, then yes. I like you that way, Mingyu.”

If Mingyu had the strength to cry, he would have. All this time, Mingyu was yearning for Wonwoo, just to be in the same room with him, to see him in his daily life, to see him at his best and his worst, and he stumbled onto the worst. Mingyu hadn’t thought that Wonwoo could like the other boy, why did he think he was just company? 

“Wonwoo, I’m sorry. I wished that we could have met in a different way. I’m leaving you, Wonwoo, and I don’t even know when I will see you next.” Mingyu couldn’t hold his breaking voice him but he managed to hold the tears.

Wonwoo was silent. This was the moment that he had been holding back for as long as he can remember knowing Mingyu (which was two and a half weeks ago to be exact). He didn’t even want to say it out loud, he didn’t want to say it to himself, he didn’t want it to be true. Wonwoo knows that telling Mingyu what he is going to say next will be the point where everything changes for them. It will change for them in many ways, and Wonwoo hates himself for putting Mingyu in the position for having to deal with this. He hates himself because he had fallen for Mingyu, and he knew Mingyu had fallen back, and he would be leaving Mingyu, to deal with there being no one there.

“You won’t.” Wonwoo spoke softly, as if he were avoiding the words coming out of his own mouth.

Mingyu looked over at him. There was no distinction between his face and the background this time, as it all blurred into one color. “What?”

Wonwoo sobbed, he didn’t mean to, though, as he tried to sit up straight, disregarding Mingyu’s shoulder now. “After you leave, I won’t be around for much longer, Mingyu.”

Mingyu shook his head, his heart dropped to his stomach. 

“I’m dying, Mingyu.” Wonwoo looked at him, and the only thing the outside lights could illuminate was each other’s tears. “I’m going to die.”

Mingyu’s body went rigid and shivers had been sent down his spine. The fact that after all this was a possible outcome shook Mingyu to the core, and he could not say another word except look at the boy on his left and wish he had told a lie. There was nothing Mingyu could do expect turn back to the window and look out at the dark sky and hope this was all a nightmare. But it wasn’t.

He had no words. His mind was not running right. What do you say when your friend who you had spent the last two and a half weeks with, possibly falling slowly for, is dying? What do you say then?

What do you say when the person you had dreamt of different scenarios in which you could both peruse in once they were released from this sick place is only going to be released in the worst way possible? 

Mingyu was frozen in place, he didn’t want to move but he also couldn’t and he wished he could. All he could do was watch Wonwoo as he sat there, tears still falling and wished, really, really wished this time that they could switch things around. Mingyu would have done anything for that.

Sitting there, endlessly mulling over the fact that soon, Wonwoo will be gone, makes his body tense up and he hates the feeling it leaves. He has never experienced the breath leaving his body, but he assumes this is what it is. He can’t take in proper breaths and he feels like just thinking about his current situation will cause him to choke up, and he won’t be able to breathe at all. He scrunched up his face, turned his head away from Wonwoo and let his own tears fall, not wanting to show them to Wonwoo. 

Wonwoo, on the other hand, was not controlling them. He was watching as Mingyu’s slender frame shook slightly and his head opposite of Wonwoo, as he cried. Cried because Mingyu would be losing a friend, someone he could have spent the rest of his life with. He regretted telling Mingyu this, but inside his heart was clenching because he knew it was the right thing to do, even if it hurt like hell. He hated it because Mingyu was going to turn into himself when he lost Jun. Mingyu was going to turn into something Wonwoo didn’t like to think back upon.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo whispered, tempted to break the silence, but also wanting Mingyu to have time to collect himself. “I’m sorry.”

Mingyu didn’t say anything. Fact of the matter is, after this occurred, he regretted not saying anything. He couldn’t figure out what Wonwoo was sorry for.

Going over it millions of times, Mingyu did not know what Wonwoo said sorry for. Did Wonwoo think it was his fault he was dying? It wasn’t. Did Wonwoo say sorry because he hadn’t told Mingyu that he was dying? Mingyu didn’t blame him for that. If it were him in that situation, he would have done the same thing.

But Wonwoo knew why, and it was something that Mingyu eventually did find out. Wonwoo was sorry for making Mingyu suffer. Wonwoo knew what it felt like to be in that position, and he wished that no one would ever have to, and Wonwoo himself hoped he would never have to.

Wonwoo hated himself for another reason. He had put all of the burden on Mingyu’s shoulders. He had made Mingyu fall for him and now he just told him that he was dying; the more Wonwoo thought about it, the more he disliked himself for not saying it earlier. Deep in Wonwoo’s subconscious, was someone beating endlessly at a voodoo of himself hoping it would reciprocate into real life, because he hated the fact that he had done this to someone he wished he could have taken better care of. Wonwoo thought to himself over and over and he could not find a single reason why he should not hate himself for what he has done. Sure, he was not dead and gone yet, but at the end of the day, or the end of his life, when Mingyu has to go on without him, the feeling of emptiness that will be left behind is again, a nightmare.

Nothing else was said between the two for the time being. They were distraught to themselves, and while the silence was unnerving, it was the opposite at the same time. None of them had the heart to speak, yet none of them wanted to. Mingyu moved his arm that was previously supporting the other boy and brought it in between them, his fingers brushing over Wonwoo’s, but not making any move to remove them. They stared out the dark window, feeling angry that the picture perfect scene had faded into eternal darkness and there was nothing more to look at other than the broken lines of the edges of buildings and broken hopes and dreams. The moon peeking out from behind the towers gave a fake illusion of light, but Mingyu knew better than to trust his eyes. The moon never shone on its own, and he wondered if he will ever be able to again either.

Mingyu cast a glance to Wonwoo, who’s tears seemed to have stopped but his chest still rocked every now and then with silent sobs. His face was ring lighted with the faux glow of the moon and even though he was very sad on the inside, even though he was slowly breaking down, Mingyu still thought he was beautiful. Nothing could have changed that opinion about him.

Mingyu leaned over and took Wonwoo’s head with his other hand and brought him close. He pressed his lips up to his temple and stayed there for a moment, letting Wonwoo get comfortable. He lightly kissed his head before he removed himself, his forehead pressing against Wonwoo’s now. They stayed like that for longer, but neither of them knows how much. Mingyu felt Wonwoo’s hand tighten around Mingyu’s fingers, and he move his hand loser for better leverage. Wonwoo looked up at Mingyu, and Mingyu looked back.

Nothing was spoken, but nothing needed to be. They were upset, but why be upset when you can’t change fate. They both knew this well enough.

Mingyu stared back into Wonwoo’s hopeless eyes, and so badly he wanted to jump in and make him see that all hope was not lost. Even though the end is something they both fear, hope is still there. Mingyu’s hope was like the moonlight. Even if it is fake, what is a night sky with no moon.


	9. 9

Stiffly, and idly, Mingyu sat with his back facing the window, waiting for the minutes to go by so that he could walk out the door for good. His heart did a leap but was restrained by a rope tied to it, held by none other than the boy across the room, staring holes into his back.

 

Mingyu didn’t want to go. Wonwoo didn’t want him to go, either.

 

Mingyu did everything it took in him to stay facing the corridor windows, and not turn around, and fall deep into the saddest story he had ever met. It took a lot of goddamn willpower.

 

Why did he already feel so empty, though the room was as full as it had been the first day? Why did he feel so alone, though he has never had more company in his weeks there? He hated that he was acting like this. He wanted to suck it up and toughen- for Wonwoo, - but, shit, every time he locked eyes with the dark haired boy it was the night that Wonwoo told him everything all over again. He hated that that’s the only thing he thought of now when he saw Wonwoo. Mingyu wishes he still thought of the first time they met instead of the last time.

 

Stalling was the first word that came to his head, but there was nothing to stall when he was the one that needed to wait. His parents needed to take him down and check him out of the hospital and that would be the end of the story. No sad goodbyes. Mingyu did not want to say goodbye, afraid it would be the last time he said it.

 

Wonwoo didn’t shift his gaze, he watched as Mingyu sat, statue still, waiting for the moment that he could leave. Both of them knew that he didn’t want to do that anymore. Mingyu felt guilty. He didn’t know why he felt so guilty. There was actually, physically nothing he could have been guilty about. Yet he still felt it. He speculates that maybe he feels guilty because after all, this was the day that he got to go home, and he feels guilty that Wonwoo has nowhere to go except up.

 

The silence was thick but neither of them made any move to try and fix it. There was nothing to be said and nothing to be done. With every breath in Mingyu took, he shook slightly as he exhaled, being anxious yet anticipating.

 

He bit his lip and tongue over and over, an act of nervousness, wishing that his parents wouldn’t come by some miracle and he could stay here with Wonwoo, though he knew if that happened his happiness would eventually mirror what he feels now.

 

It seemed as though time was taking as much of itself as it wanted, the seconds could not go by fast enough yet Mingyu wanted it to slow down even more. It seemed like time was not real, in some sense. Mingyu was just waiting for the inevitable goodbye. Mingyu wanted to crawl back into himself and half of him wished none of this ever happened and half of him wished that it could happen all over again.

 

He sniffled in through his nose and out through his mouth, sighing for the longest time before his heart dropped when he saw his parents emerge from the corridor and pass the windows. His eyes sadly followed them as they came in through the door and immediately bombarded Mingyu with questions, ones that he didn’t bother answering, or listening to. Minhee was joining in on interrogating him, and he just didn’t want any of them to speak right now.

 

All three of them looked over to the side of the room at least once, at separate times, and didn’t look over again. Wonwoo had not closed the curtain, choosing to watch Mingyu as he left. He had separate IV’s running into his system, and his eyes were heavily weighted with tiredness. No sleep due to the anxiousness mimicking Mingyu’s.

 

Mingyu had already been dressed when he saw his parents. Getting dressed that morning was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, it really showed that his time was up, and Mingyu was far from accepting that right now.

 

His feet hit the ground and it was the only thing heard in the room as each of them had stopped talking, wanting to leave the heavy atmosphere. Mingyu froze, his legs not cooperating, and his mouth running ahead of him as he asks his family to wait a moment outside. He is thankful again that they don’t ask any questions.

 

Mingyu stalks over to Wonwoo and sits beside him, keeping his gaze low, feeling Wonwoo still staring at him. It was quiet for another minute, both of their hearts somewhere else as they wished they could be.

 

“I don’t know what to say.” Was all he said, and he spoke softly. He felt Wonwoo’s hands on his arm, and he finally looked over. His heart broke- even more- as he saw that Wonwoo was paler than usual and he knew he was on his way out. Mingyu decided to ignore this fact for now.

 

Wonwoo shook his head. “You don’t need to say anything.” He spoke softer than Mingyu and he almost couldn’t hear it, but Wonwoo didn’t need to repeat it.

 

Mingyu bit his lip, nervousness kicking in again, his heart racing and his feet like cinder blocks as he tried to make his way out of the door. The doorknob felt cold, and Mingyu got chills just touching it, his skin becoming prickly and it was slowly making its way up his spine, and he hated the feeling. Something inside him snapped, and he realized he did not want to leave Wonwoo alone with the quietest memory of Mingyu. He turned to look at Wonwoo.

 

“I’ll see you again.” He tried to speak proudly, but it was hard to hide the sadness.

 

Wonwoo nodded. “I hope you do, Mingyu.”

 

Mingyu’s heart stuttered and he said goodbye, Wonwoo echoing the response. The door shut, and it was just like the first day all over again.

\--

Wonwoo had not been anticipating the day that the room would be eerily quiet with nothing but his own breathing filling his ears, barely masking the static that encompasses the silence. With every mere minute that went by, the loneliness got worse, and he really felt like hope was lost, but it’s not like he had hope for anything in the first place.

 

When he realizes that each person that walks by the windows will not be Mingyu, or anyone to keep him company like Mingyu did, he gives up on watching, a broken dream that maybe it would be him.

 

Wonwoo is not new to loneliness. He had experienced loneliness before, even before Jun had died, he knew what it felt like to be lonely. He had felt lonely at school when he was in a group with none of his friends, he felt lonely in public when he was standing alone in a crowded place. Wonwoo could have sworn he knew what lonely felt like.

 

When Jun died, Wonwoo did not know what to do with himself. He laid in bed for days on end, staring out his window hoping that he was too caught up in such a horrible vivid dream. It was such a weird feeling, knowing that you watched your best friend get lowered into the ground forever, not to see their face again, yet wake up the next day rethinking plans you had made that cannot be done anymore.

 

It was weird to him. Friends aren’t supposed to die. You know a family member is eventually going to die, you experience it so young, it can happen whenever. But your friends are the same age as you. For Wonwoo, he had to wrap his mind around the fact that someone his age, who he had known for a long time was dead, it only made him curl up into himself and wanting to retreat back into his mind.

 

He promised himself he wouldn’t cry, but thinking of Jun, and his family, and thinking of the fact that Mingyu will soon feel like he felt, he had to close his eyes tightly to let the water disperse.

 

Wonwoo knew that Mingyu felt bad for him. He knew that Mingyu was honest about the way he felt, even if it meant that he really did have to go. But Wonwoo needs to go, too.

 

Wonwoo felt like it was the first day in that room all over again. He was too encompassed in his depressing life that he wanted to speak to no one, nurses trying to make attempts to but gave up after seeing how isolated he made himself. With Mingyu gone, he was slowly rebuilding that wall. He couldn’t help it, either, and he hated that feeling.

 

The little voice inside of him was spewing hopeless dreams of a happy life with the younger boy, and Wonwoo was getting sick of it, but it wouldn’t stop. Wonwoo almost hates himself for knowing that he will be dead soon, and in a more morbid way, he will be Jun, and Mingyu will be himself.

 

That’s the scariest thought. That the feeling of emptiness will be so hard on you that you won’t be able to move for days, that the feeling of being lost will be so severe, Mingyu will be just like he was, scared and alone. Wonwoo is jumping to conclusions, they had known each other for two weeks, compared to Jun’s length of time. Who’s to say that Mingyu will miss him? Who’s to say that he will be okay?

\--

 

Mingyu sat every day, fists tightly woven together, in fear that that bad thing will happen. Mingyu does not even want to say it to himself, he hoped that maybe he hallucinated this whole scenario when he hit his head in his dorm, and he will wake up better than ever. Maybe Wonwoo wasn’t even real.

 

Mingyu knew better than to think things like that. He knew that Wonwoo was very real, and alive, as of right now (or so he prayed), and that soon he would be without him. The mere thought of Wonwoo kept him company late at night when sleep wouldn’t come, or he forbade it to come; he did not want to dream of a life he could not have.

 

His life at home was just as bad as he expected it to be. His family was just as bothersome as he remembered, and he realized again why he chose to live away from home at college. He thought they could not utter one more sentence that they haven’t said already, until Wonwoo was brought up.

 

“Mingyu, who was that boy that was in your room when we came in?” His mother asked.

 

Mingyu froze internally. He did not want to talk about Wonwoo to his parents and he really didn’t want them knowing what Wonwoo was going through. The persistent stare of his mother drove him insane, however, and he really didn’t want to cause a scene by ignoring the question. Being in the house constantly like it was high school again was bad enough. He knew he had been thinking for longer than necessary about this and his mom needed an answer.

 

“He’s someone I met at the hospital.” Okay, vague, good, Mingyu, good.

 

“What’s his name?” His sister prodded.

 

“Wonwoo.” Only now did Mingyu realize that he did not know his surname, and the mere thought bothered him more than it should have.

 

“He was quiet. Didn’t say anything to us, he was just staring at you. Did you stay to say goodbye?” Mingyu was getting a bit frustrated by this. Why did his parents need to know who he says goodbye to?

 

“Yes, I did. I said good bye to him because I don’t know when I will see him next.” He spat out, he didn’t want it to come off as harsh, but he felt like it slightly did.

 

“Why didn’t you say bye when we were there? Embarrassed? Is he your boyfriend?” His sister taunted. He didn’t need to look up, but his parents wore a puzzled expression, unsure if they should believe his sister, and not sure if they wanted to believe that their son was dating another boy. He looked down at his plate, wishing that he could desperately leave the situation he was in.

 

“No… okay, he’s not my boyfriend.” He mentally hit himself for hesitating after the first word, as if he really was Wonwoo’s boyfriend. Just the thought of that made his heart race and his face heat up. Now he hated himself more, he had a faint pink dusting his cheeks after he had said Wonwoo was not his boyfriend.

 

“Are you sure?” His sister teased, and Mingyu looked up, anger and a bit of sadness swelling in his veins.

 

“Yes, I’m sure. It would be useless for him to become my boyfriend because we would have no future together.” His heart stung at the words he said, but he needed to get it into his mind that Wonwoo really was going to die soon, as morbid as it sounds to him. His sister tilted her head, asking what he meant by that, and he stood up, leaving to his room.

 

Before he could go, he dumped his dish into the sink and on his way back he spoke about Wonwoo again. 

 

“There would be no point in me dating Wonwoo because before I can leave this house to go back to my college dorm, Wonwoo will be dead.”

 

His eyes pricked with tears at the words coming out of his mouth, but he needed to accept it. He really needed to understand that Wonwoo can’t be around forever. That they were not meant to be together.

\--

Silent blessings to whomever was watching over him was sent by Mingyu when Minghao and Yeonghee showed up to his house on a slow Thursday evening. They claimed they wanted to take him out, a way of celebrating Mingyu’s release from the dungeon. Mingyu laughed, and ignored the compression of his chest at the thought of it.

 

After he was granted permission (which he complained about on the ride to wherever they were set off to), they headed in a direction that he hadn’t seen in a while.

 

“Back here? That was fast.” Mingyu noticed the strip mall of their home town, which, to be honest, was not that far away, Mingyu was just staring off into space the whole time or complaining about his parents.

 

“It’s pretty close by, plus we wanted to get your mind off of things and let you have some fun.” Yeonghee spoke up. She poked her head through the two front seats and Mingyu turned and looked at her for a brief moment. He turned back, following Minghao’s action of getting out and walking into a store.

 

After a few minutes of pointless walking through the aisles of some store- Mingyu ha stopped keeping track- his eyes spotted a flower shop, down near the other end of the strip mall. He tilted his head, and pulled Minghao aside while Yeonghee was distracted by some dogs strolling past.

 

“Did you have any other plans for us today?” Mingyu tried his hardest not to sound desperate, but he couldn’t help the tone slip out.

 

Minghao looked back at Yeonghee for a split moment. “I’m sure if you had better things in mind the small things that were on the agenda could be over looked.”

 

Mingyu looked behind his at Yeonghee, then back at the florist shop again, which was behind himself. “I want to see Wonwoo.”

 

It was only inside the shop that Yeonghee finally understood why they couldn’t go through with their original plans. A sector with warm colored flowers caught Mingyu’s attention, and his legs stalked over without his brain processing the movement. His eyes were grazing the names of the flowers and none of them stood out; he was attracted back to a bunch however when he saw a name that was, at first, hard to decipher. His eyebrow raised and his heart fluttered ever so slightly when he remembered that this was the flower Wonwoo had told him that his mom wore in her hair. Contemplating it for a split second- which he doesn’t know why he did, he knew he was going to buy them anyway- he grabbed the premade bouquet and checked out, the two of them following him.

 

He was nervous. Maybe because it had been a little longer than they were both used to, and maybe because he wanted to make it seem like he was being sincere, and it was a silly thought after all, since the tingling of his nerves the entire way there could tell anyone that it was sincere. His nerves were kind of on fire because he hadn’t seen or talked to or heard from this boy in the longest time (which was really only a few days in retrospect) and it made Mingyu feel like it was the first day. He was caught up in the happiness of being reunited, that once he thought about leaving him, and once the thought of Wonwoo not sticking around anymore, the sadness slowly started to mold into the cracks in Mingyu’s form.

 

For the time being, he tried his hardest not to think about what was coming, and his eyes traveled anxiously over the blurs of the cars and people and buildings passing by the car window. The bouquet laid in his lap, his fingers rhythmically drumming the plastic casing, no one speaking but rather the silence was interrupted by music, none that Mingyu could care to focus on. The closer they got to the hospital, the more Mingyu was about to erupt- with multiple emotions that he did not want to confuse with one another.

 

The car had stopped and turned off, Minghao turned to him, waiting for him to get out. Mingyu chewed his bottom lip momentarily, not moving out of fear, that had replaced the eagerness.

 

“Well? Do you expect to teleport or some shit?” Mingyu turned to Minghao, that he now realized was waiting for him to do something. He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it quickly, not knowing what to say. Instead, like a good friend would do, Minghao rolled his eyes and got out of the car, walked over to the other side, opened Mingyu’s door and pulled said boy out. Minghao shoved him towards the entrance, leaving him with nothing but the remark: “We will be here when you’re done.”

 

Mingyu stood there for a second like an idiot, but turned around and walked in, flowers by his side, heart in his throat. Making his way up to the room, his feet became cinder blocks, and his hearing became reduced to nothing but the drumming of his pulse. His fingers tingled and every time he made a move he felt pinpricks all over. As the elevator rose higher and higher, he felt light headed, but he wouldn’t turn around. He breathed in deeply x amount of times now, none of them soothing him as he heard it would do. His eyes stung, he didn’t know he was holding them open for too long but it appeared he did.

 

Mingyu could not see clearly by the time the doors opened and he was revealed to the hallway that he was plenty familiar with at this point. Each step was closer to what he felt like would end him inside, his emotional wall he build up would come down (which, to be honest, he doesn’t know why he built it up in the first place). The room was slowly approaching, and the fear that was surrounding him was replaced by an aura he much wanted to be under, a more cheerful one, and he made his way over to the room.

 

Looking inside the windows, he could see Wonwoo’s back- God, just the sight of that made his heart lurch- and the male nurse that helped him often standing next to him, looking like he was trying to make sure Wonwoo could keep his balance. Mingyu walked closer to the door, and just as he was about to become courageous and bounce forward to open the door, the nurse turned and saw Mingyu, but he didn’t appear to say anything, as he just walked towards the door. He exited the room, and he waited for the door to shut before speaking to Mingyu.

 

“He’ll be happy to see you. He has been waiting.” Mingyu could have sworn he had a heart attack at that, and he stammered over his words.

 

“Wait!” Mingyu tried to lower his voice so Wonwoo would not hear. The nurse turned towards him, an expectant look on his face. “Does he know I was coming?” The nurse shook his head.

 

“Surprise him.” He said with a smile, then turned and heading in the opposite direction. Mingyu took yet another deep breath in, and opened the door, quietly walking in, hearing nothing but Wonwoo’s breathing and his shoes on the tile.

 

“Back so soon?” Wonwoo’s voice startled him. His heart swelled, thinking he would never hear it again, but here he was. “That was fast.”

 

Mingyu said nothing, instead he placed the flowers gently on the table nestled between the two beds and sat next to the boy who had his head tilted back with his eyes closed. Mingyu looked at him for the short second he had before he noticed Mingyu. His skin looked the same as he had left it- his hair was slightly longer and his arms looked smaller, which made Mingyu feel guilty for some unknown reason.

 

When Wonwoo had felt the bed dip and no answer from the nurse, he opened his eyes, only to see the ones he had been missing staring right back at him. His eyes widened barely, and his mouth opened in shock. His breath hitched and Mingyu could see pinkish tones filling in his empty cheeks, and it made Mingyu so ecstatic that he came to see him today.

 

They stared at each other for a minute longer, just basking in the fact that they were both really there, and this was actually real. Wonwoo was the first to speak, and Mingyu was proud, words not coming to his mind in this state of awe.

 

“Mingyu.” Though it was all he said, Mingyu could register all of the locked away feelings behind the simple phrase. Mingyu smiled at him, a full, genuine smile that he felt so obligated to show Wonwoo, to make him happy.

 

“Wonwoo.” His voice shook, but his smile showed that his words were not betraying his feelings. Wonwoo clumsily reached over and brought Mingyu close to him. Mingyu had to steady them both as Wonwoo could not, the elder’s arms wrapped around his upper body and his head in his shoulder. Mingyu’s fingers traced the muscles that he could feel flexing in Wonwoo’s back as he hugged him, and he breathed in and tried to memorize the scent before he could not smell it anymore.

 

They pulled away, despite neither of them wanting to, and just looked at each other again. Wonwoo shook his head, and Mingyu was almost afraid that he would say something that he didn’t want to hear.

 

“You came.” His voice was soft enough to melt Mingyu if he needed to. “I didn’t think you would.”

 

“That’s crazy,” Mingyu countered right away. “Of course I would. I wanted to see you.”

 

Wonwoo just smiled at his words, and Mingyu could actually feel the impending explosion of his heart. He looked at Wonwoo who just kept smiling, and Mingyu knew he could never get tired of this sight. Wonwoo cast his glance downward and he soaked in what Mingyu had worn, like he was trying to remember every last detail of his face, and his hands, of the wrinkles in his clothes.

“Who did you come with?” Wonwoo asked suddenly. He no longer spoke in a quiet tone.

“Minghao and Yeonghee. They had some sort of special day planned for me, take me away from my parents, which I’m grateful for; but I wanted to see you more.” Mingyu could see sparks fly in Wonwoo’s eyes, and he mentally tripped over his sentences. “I… um, I brought you these.” Shaking his head for hesitating, he stood up and walked to the table and brought the flowers back over to Wonwoo.

Wonwoo smiled again. Mingyu watched as he took one hand and placed them on his lap and stared into the center to observe every petal. “Chrysanthemums.” Mingyu hummed. “Coincidence, or remembrance?”

Mingyu chuckled slightly at that. “Remembrance once I saw the name tag.”

Wonwoo tilted his head, while still holding his grin, and placed the flowers in between them two, just enough space between them for the bouquet to fit nicely. “Where are they now?”

“Still outside. They said they would wait here until I’m done.”

Wonwoo’s smile faltered ever so slightly, but he turned to Mingyu and the passion didn’t dissipate none the less. “What if you take hours, though?”

“They understand. They know I’m close to you.”

In times like this, it seems like words didn’t exist. The space between them and the looks they share and the vast expansion of the endless horizon in front of them was all they needed. In some cases, Mingyu wished that time froze, or as he found himself thinking often, that he were trapped in a painting, where time was not even real. The way Wonwoo explained that to him stuck, and every time he looked up and saw a cloud with even a pink dusting of shadow, he wished it were eternal in brushstrokes and acrylic.

It was nowhere near nighttime, and Mingyu knew well enough that the visiting hours were over before the sun could even start to dip below the black band of the millennium, and he felt disappointed, but at the same time he tried his hardest to remember what their last sunset was like together. Mingyu took a deep breath in, and stared out at the pastel sky and the cars moving by; suddenly getting a pang of sympathy for the older, this was his view for the past three weeks or so.

Mingyu turned to his left, the profile of Wonwoo was something he longed to see more often, and he suffered because he knew he couldn’t. Wonwoo turned back to him, and they just stared, again, and their gazes did the speaking that their voices didn’t need to. Mingyu had only realized now they were a lot closer than he thought. Wonwoo’s hair was now touching the tips of his eyelids, and if he opened his eyes wide enough, his eyelashes might reach as well. It was wispy at the bottom, and the brown color looked so nice on the other, Mingyu felt suddenly inferior in his own looks. His eyes were golden with brown casing, but that didn’t dull the shine they gave off. His nose was perfect for his face, it wasn’t too big or small; and before Mingyu had known it they were both leaning in closer, and Mingyu could see every detail of his eyes he had ever wanted to, before they kissed.

It wasn’t long. Maybe a second or two, but both of them looked at each other, Mingyu bathing in the way Wonwoo looked at him like he had just told him he wasn’t dying after all, and Mingyu felt so satisfied that he left that day with a light heart, light head, and a wish to Wonwoo that he would come back again soon.

As he walked out of the room, he didn’t miss the way Wonwoo’s fingertips gently traced over the edge of the flower petals.

\--

Mingyu had known that with coming home after two and a half weeks would lead to loads of work for him to finish and tests to make up. He told himself that he would do it all right away, waste no time and get it all done so he could relax later on and enjoy the fact that he had thought ahead and had extra time to relax.

This was partially true, as he did finish a lot of the work he had to do, it was only the essays he spent so much time on. Not because he was thinking them through and wanted them to be as carefully worded as possible, but because he just did not want to do them.

This part of the years the worst. Midterms were slowly approaching the dreading college students and everyone buckled down on studying, while some, like Mingyu, had put it off to the last minute.

Through the almost month that Mingyu had been back in school he had seen Wonwoo once a weekend, making it only three times that he had visited, bringing new flowers tucked under his left arm every time. The fact that Wonwoo had been supportive of Mingyu and encouraging him to do well was all it took for Mingyu to study and to finish those essays.

The short time they had together each Saturday made Mingyu happy for the time being, and Wonwoo seemed to enjoy each time Mingyu walked in, acting like he thought he would never come back.

That thought alone made Mingyu upset that Wonwoo saw it like that. He didn’t want Wonwoo to think that he would not come back one day, he didn’t want him to see his visits as just something like self-closure, thinking that ‘I was one friends with this boy and he is going to die so I am going to visit him as often as possible so I don’t go to hell.’

Mingyu was visiting, well, yes, for closure, he wanted his relationship with Wonwoo to end on a good foot for the time they had remaining, and he also visited because he thought of Wonwoo in everything he did. Everything that he went about in his daily life reminded him of Wonwoo, and just the thought alone that he could see him in the upcoming weekend was enough to push Mingyu to the goal of highlighting those notes, or remembering to eat during a study session. He also thought of the sparkle in Wonwoo’s eyes every time he went to bed, and his dreams were solely about the both of them being printed on canvas after canvas under a different display of colors, and he loved it. He hoped Wonwoo loved it just as much.

Waking up ten minutes late, Mingyu rushed out of bed and to his class, realizing that he had an exam and he was so goddamn stupid for sleeping through his alarm.

When he arrived literally just in the nick of time for the exam, he had a gut feeling that nothing would be good today. He knew he was not going to do fantastic on this exam, and he wanted to push aside negative thoughts of the day, because it was Saturday, and was going to see Wonwoo once he got out.

His hands were nearly shaking by the time he turned his exam in, for unknown reasons, and he rushed out of the place, nearly knocking over students who swore at him as he ran by, but Mingyu didn’t give them a second glance. He sighed contently once he was in his car and he put the radio as loud as he could take it, to block out the thoughts of that exam, and the impending rainstorm due to the murky clouds hanging low in the sky.

Pulling into the lot his heart clenched as he pushed all of his books and his bag into the floor of the passenger side, as he stepped out, flinching as a rain drop came down and hit his eyelash, making his blink a few times to get the water out. He stopped midway in the lot, swearing out loud as he realized he didn’t get flowers today. He was so angry and he cursed his professor for making him late, and he opened his car door and pulled the hoodie that was laying across the other seat and walked back to the front door.

The nurse who recognized him halted him, which was unusual as she let him go right away. Her face twisted into a sour, and regretful expression, but she insisted that he sit in the waiting room today, which he soon became very panicky about. His foot tapping and tapping away, probably causing aggravation to many patients and visitors, but he couldn’t care less as he just waited for his cue.

A nurse walked in, the male nurse he had seen often in Wonwoo’s room, and he hastily said Mingyu’s name, and he shot up fast as ever as he walked out the door. The nurse led them both to the elevator, making small talk, and Mingyu wondering why the hell this dude was being so slow when he just wanted to visit Wonwoo.

Once inside, the nurse sighed and he faced Mingyu. “Mingyu,” He waited for Mingyu to give a sign that he was listening. “My name is Yonghwa, I’m sure you recognize me.” Mingyu nodded. “I… I don’t really know what Wonwoo’s intentions were with everything left in his possession, doesn’t really walk about it much, and I want to know if maybe you know? Did he say anything?”

Mingyu was confused. Why was he taking so long just to ask that question? He answered anyway. “Well, he said he wants most of his things to go to his aunts, I’m sure he has said?”

The elevator opened and they walked, miraculously slow, to the room. Mingyu’s pulse quickened as the door was in sight.

“You see,” Yonghwa continued. “Since his parents are no longer alive, we don’t know which member of his extended family we should lean on. There were two aunts? And both of them said they were both very aware of the situation, but, we never heard back. I… I just wanted to make sure. If he didn’t want something bad to happen to his items”

Mingyu breathed harshly, trying to seem polite. They were so close to the door, yet this damn guy was taking his lovely time. “I’m sorry. I don’t know, Wonwoo does not speak much about his family. I’m sure that if you ask him he will tell you what he wants to be done.” So close.

Yonghwa stopped. Mingyu stopped right before the glass of the viewing windows. “Yeah. Mingyu, I am sorry. I don’t know what Wonwoo had confided in you but I’m sure it was something special.” Mingyu wanted him to stop talking already, but something about the phrasing of his words made him listen anyway. “I hope you understood what his issues were. How everything was going to play out for him.” Mingyu swallowed. Yonghwa inhaled. “We… I, really, well… Wonwoo left nothing. He left us with nothing. Only words written on a small piece of paper that nobody understands, with your name on the back.” Mingyu’s hands went numb. “Wonwoo left happily. I can assure you that.”

Mingyu’s ears rang. He didn’t feel anything for a few seconds, but as Yonghwa tugged him forward to step into the room, he noticed that the bed where he had once been being now empty. The machines reset and the pillows re-fluffed and the bed remade. He breathed out the breath he didn’t know he was holding in. His mouth pressed into a tight line and he bit harshly on his lip to distract from the constricting pain that resided in his chest. His feet slowly made his way to the edge of the bed and he sat down. Sitting stiffly, like he was going to crack if he moved too fast.

He looked out of the window at the gray atmosphere, his eyes stung greatly and his vision was marred, he blinked, then he let the tears fall. He brought the back of his hand up to his mouth as he left his head fall, and cried into his wrist. It hurt to breathe, every breath in felt like he was trying to break bonds that had been there for years and years.

He dropped his hand and he looked out of the window, his chest still racking with sobs and his cheeks flooded with tracks of water, and he was surprised that he cried that much. He felt Yonghwa placed a hand on his shoulder, and a sudden impulse old him to grab it and break the fucking thing.

“This is what he left,” Yonghwa spoke, not noticing how Mingyu wanted him to be as far away from him as possible right now. Mingyu was handed a card, no bigger than the ones that had been pinned to each bouquet. On one side it said his name, and on the other side, a small note, which Mingyu had to vigorously wipe tears away to read the small print.

If I see you in the blue, will you see me in the pink? Maybe purple will be your favorite color; it’s prettier than you think.

Mingyu cried more, his sobs being the only thing either him and Yonghwa could hear, and Mingyu wanted nothing more than to turn back time. He had never realized how much meaning someone held to him until they left, and it was a regretful thing he had in himself. Mingyu clutched the card being careful not to dent it in the slightest, and he stared out of the window, not flinching as a loud crack of thunder shook the floor and rain started to pour down. Mingyu remembers now why he hates the rain. He went home that night with no display to see Wonwoo’s face in, only the memory of what was, and what could never be.

It was hard to move for many days after that. Mingyu no longer looked forward to weekends, and when his friends nudged his shoulder and asked why he looked like he got hit by a bus, he simply replied that his best friend died, and it was enough for none of them to ask again. Desires to sleep or eat didn’t exist for a while. He didn’t understand how he couldn’t move on his own, but once he tried to, he gave up, and resorted back to laying in misery. Harsh term to use, but Mingyu figures it’s the most accurate one. He patiently waited for the sky to show what he had been aimlessly searching for the whole time.

The sunset finally came a week after Wonwoo had gone. Mingyu sat on his roof, that took a lot of effort to get on, and he stared at the sky, the clouds rimmed with pink and the shadows a cerulean blue, the intersection reminding him of everything they had together. As the oranges faded into a pink, which reminded him of one of the many shades in the flowers he brought, he looked up and spoke.

“I see you, you know.” His voice was soft, but broke as he was reminded of who he was speaking to. “Pink is all I see you in. I almost avoided it at first, but it feels like home now.” The clouds shifted a bit to the left with the wind, and he continued. “You were right.” A bird flew by. “Purple is my favorite color. It’s all I want to be surrounded in.”

He cleared his throat and tried to ignore the burning of the tears threatening to come. “I miss you.” He let them fall anyway. “I miss you.”

Mingyu looked up. What he saw what more than what he expected. The horizon wasn’t broken after all. The skyline if simply recharging the colors, enhancing their richness for the next time they come around. Mingyu’s own face was framed with the warmest of colors, and that alone provided the illusion that the older was there with him, and he always would be. Mingyu took a short time to heal, putting every piece of his heart back into the sky, where Wonwoo was.

Together, one physically and one figuratively, they lived on under the sky, and continued ceaselessly into the future. From time to time, feeling immortal, locked in that painting. The brush strokes could not mar either of their beauty.


End file.
